


The Boss

by aftermathangel



Series: The Boss [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 17:01:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 27,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aftermathangel/pseuds/aftermathangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr. Lambert is the kind of boss you never want to have, stern and brooding. He goes through assistants at record pace until a young Sauli Koskinen's hard work ethic and sunny personality start to make him want to believe in love again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet The New Guy

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me for the translations. I used Google so i'm sure they aren't even close to being perfect haha.

** Adam **

I sat at my desk with overflowing stacks of papers sitting everywhere. Why the hell wasn’t my assistant coming in to file them! I was about to call for my secretary Jenna, when she walked into the room. I angrily gestured to the piles of paper as I spoke.

“Where is Dan?!?”

“You mean Dave?”

How the hell was I supposed to remember his name? At least I had the D part right. “Dan … Dave same damn thing … where is he!?!”

“He quit … I have an interview scheduled for noon.” She was being extremely timid waiting for me to go off. I shook my head tapping the stack of papers as I spoke.

“No, no interview just hire the guy. Time is money Jenna and every minute they sit here we’re losing money.”

“Ok sir … please be nice to this one though. This will be your 4th assistant in 6 months.”

“I’ll try …”

She glared at me as if to say “ _you better_ ” before walking out of the office. The morning blew by because I was on a conference call with the bigwigs from corporate. I don’t know why they always made me listen in they never let me get a word in. I just spent the whole time doodling absentmindedly on a scrap piece of paper. Finally they were done blathering on so I was able to hang up and not even 5 minutes later there was a knock on the door. I looked up and saw Jenna with some kid following behind her like some kind of lost puppy. I giggled to myself … he wouldn’t last a week.

“Adam, this is Sawlee.”

“Actually it’s …” His voice was quiet and timid and I shook my head breaking his train of thought.

“No time for chit-chat … I take it you know how to file.”

“Yes sir.”

“You can call me Adam. Here take these stacks of papers. Jenna will show you where they get filed.”

He grabbed the stacks and managed to get 5 feet before tripping, sending them flying EVERYWHERE. I was about to yell when Jenna shot me the stink eye so I just put my head in my hands and shook it. Jenna helped him scoop them up and soon they retreated to the filing room. The rest of the day I kept relatively busy and before I knew it, it was 6pm. I was always one of the last ones in the building other than the cleaners, everyone else left at 5pm. I locked up my office and started my way toward the front when I realized the filing room light was on. I was frustrated that someone had left it on and went to turn it off when I saw Sauli sitting there working. He saw me and smiled.

“I’m almost done with the filing Adam. I only have about 30 more papers. Is there anything else that you need done?”

“Sauli what are you still doing here? Didn’t Jenna tell you that you only work till 5pm?” I questioned a bit of confusion in my voice.

“Oh yes, but I don’t mind. I asked if I could stay after on my time to finish. I hate leaving tasks uncompleted.”

“Oh … well did she leave you a key?”

“Yes I’ll make sure I lock up when I’m done. Have a safe trip home Adam.”

There was something certainly different about this kid. He wasn’t like the others and that intrigued me. I gave him a half smile before slowly leaving and heading home.


	2. A Fresh Start

** Sauli **

I laid in bed trying to get myself to fall back asleep but it was no use. My mind had decided for whatever reason that I was up for the day … at 9:15am. I got up and walked into the bathroom and let the steaming water envelope my body. I wrapped a towel around my body and walked back in the bedroom to choose an outfit to wear for my job interview. The application said it was casual dress but I certainly didn’t want to wear something TOO casual. I decided on a V-neck black t-shirt, dark wash jeans, and a pair of combat boots that I got dirt cheap at the thrift store. They were perfect, except for the fact that they were almost 2 sizes too big. I placed the towel on the bed to start getting dressed and just as I did a gust of wind blew in thru the cracked window. I cursed and shivered quickly throwing my clothes on. After I finished I walked over to examine the window. It had definitely spread since it originally happened. I had no idea how I was going to survive the winter with it like that. I certainly didn’t have the money to fix it and the landlord could’ve cared less when I told him. I sat on the bed and frowned, this was it. If I didn’t get this job I would have to head back home to Finland, my 2 years were up. And I was completely out of cash. I NEEDED to get this job. I headed out early and caught the subway. My interview wasn’t until 12pm but I got there about 11:15am. I checked in at the front desk and was directed to wait in a small waiting room. About 11:45am a blonde woman walked over and extended her hand with a smile.

“Hi I’m Jenna, Mr. Lambert’s secretary. Come back to my office we’ll talk in there.” I followed her down the hallway and into a small cheery office. She gestured to the one chair and I sat down as she followed suit. “When are you able to start?”

“Whenever … I don’t have any particular timeframe.”

“Mr. Lambert doesn’t want me to interview you. He just wants me to hire you to start immediately.”

“You mean I got the job?!?” I could not believe my ears … after trying so long it was actually going to be this easy?

“Yes congratulations. I’m going to be honest with you, he’s a bit of a hard ass. Just do your job and follow his directions … it’ll be ok.” I gulped as she got up and led me toward the end of the hallway. She knocked on the large wooden door and we walked inside. There was a man with ebony hair sitting at the desk and he looked up giving me a once over. I could immediately feel myself getting SUPER nervous. “Adam, this is Sawlee.”

I sighed, I was so sick of everyone pronouncing my name incorrectly. I usually let it go but for some reason I spoke up. “Actually it’s …” He interrupted me pointing to the stack of papers on his desk.

“No time for chit-chat … I take it you know how to file.”

“Yes sir.”

“You can call me Adam. Here take these stacks of papers. Jenna will show you where they get filed.”

I quickly stacked up all the papers and managed to travel 5ft before tripping over my god damn too big boots. I immediately cringed waiting for him to yell but nothing came. Jenna bent down and helped me gather everything and then I quickly followed her out of the office. She could tell that I was super nervous and embarrassed, so she gently patted my shoulder.

“It’s ok … don’t be embarrassed it happens to everyone at one point or another. You’ll do the filing in here, we file by date then name. If you have any questions feel free to come to my office and get me.” With that she left and I got to work. There were probably a good 300 papers there and I lost myself in the work without really even meaning to. At 5pm Jenna appeared at the doorway. “Ok Sauli you can leave now your shift ends at 5pm.”

“Is there any way I can stay? I only have about 60 more papers left to file. I hate leaving before everything is done.”

“They don’t pay overtime here.”

“Oh no that’s fine. I don’t mind staying it’s not like I have anywhere I need to be.”

“I don’t see the problem with it then. Here’s the key to lock up when you’re done and I’ll see you at 9am tomorrow.” She handed me the key and looked at me with a strange look I couldn’t place. I guess it probably wasn’t typical of someone to ask to work for free.

“Ok have a good night Jenna.” I got absorbed back in the work until Adam interrupted my thoughts about an hour later. I looked over at him and smiled. “I’m almost done with the filing Adam. I only have about 30 more papers. Is there anything else that you need done?”

“Sauli, what are you still doing here? Didn’t Jenna tell you that you only work till 5pm?”

“Oh yes, but I don’t mind. I asked if I could stay after on my time to finish. I hate leaving tasks uncompleted.”

“Oh … well did she leave you a key?”

“Yes I’ll make sure I lock up when I’m done. Have a safe trip home Adam.”

I could sense the confusion on his face but he gave me a half smile and slowly left. It didn’t take long for me to finish and about 45 minutes later I too left for home.


	3. Something Special

** Adam **

Every day that week, Sauli was still there when I left. I always made a point of stopping by even just to stay goodnight. He was a hard worker and I definitely admired that about him. It was Friday at 5pm, which was when all the time sheets for the week were due. I had all of them except Sauli's. I was going to go track him down when there was a knock on the door and he slowly walked inside.

“I’m sorry Adam, Jenna forgot to tell me I had to bring this to you.”

He walked over and handed me his time sheet. I looked at it in shock, he hadn't accounted for any of the extra hours. I didn't realize he was talking to me until I noticed he was staring at me with a smile on his face.

“Did you say something?”

“Yes, I said I like your hair. You had them dye your tips.” He gestured toward me hair and I smiled a bit. He was the first person to even notice.

“Oh ... umm thanks.”

“Have a good weekend Adam.” He went to walk out but I gently reached out grabbing his arm.

“Hey Sawlee?”

“It's Sowlee ... kinda like cow but with a 's'.”

“Sowlee ... is that right?” The word felt foreign on my tongue as I struggled to pronounce it correctly. He nodded happily, giving me another one of his wicked smiles. Damn there was just something about them that set my blood on fire. “I know you worked more than this. I saw you in here every night after I left.”

“You didn't ask me to stay, I chose to. It's not a problem. I have to go though, see you on Monday?

“Yes, see you then.”

I caught myself staring at him as he made his way out of my office. There was something different about him. I needed to find out more. I looked at my watch and quickly gathered my stuff. I had a gig and I definitely didn't want to be late.


	4. A Welcome Surprise

** Sauli **

I walked out of Adam's office and took the subway straight home. I hurriedly took a shower, got changed, and haphazardly put on some eyeliner. I had met a guy earlier in the week on the subway and he invited me out on a date to a club. I had everything ready when my home phone rang. I saw that it was my mom so I answered.

_“Hei äiti. (Hi mom.)”_

_“Voi Sauli on niin hyvä kuulla äänesi. Olin huolissani. Olen soittänyt sinut koko viikon. (Oh Sauli it's so good to hear your voice. I was getting worried. I've been calling you all week.)”_ The worry on her voice made me frown. I hated knowing that I made her feel that way.

_“Anteeksi, saan työpaikan ja kun tulen kotiin, on liian myöhäistä soittaa sinne. Puhuminen siitä on melkein kello. (Sorry, I got a job and by the time I get home it's too late to call there. Speaking of which, it's almost 1am.)”_

_“En voinut nukkua ... liian huolestunut. Tiedät, etten pidä sinusta sinusta. Olen iloinen, että sinulla on työtä. Pidätkö siitä? (I couldn't sleep ... too worried. You know I don't like you there by yourself. I'm glad you got a job. Do you like it?)”_

_“Kyllä vain. Vihaan leikata sinua lyhyt äiti, mutta olen matkalla päivämäärään. (Yes I do. I hate to cut you short mom but I'm on my way out for a date.)”_

_“Voisiko tämä olla yksi? (Could this one be the one?)”_  

_“WAY liian pian kertoa. Tapasin hänet vain toisena päivänä. (WAY too soon to tell. I only met him the other day.)”_

_“Haluan vain löytää jonkun ja olla onnellinen Sauli. En halua sinua yksin. (I just want you to find someone and be happy Sauli. I don't want you alone there.)”_ She sniffled and it was obvious that she had started to cry. She worried about me so much.

_“Minulla on ystäviä täällä äiti ... en ole yksin. Yritän vaikeinta löytää joku ok? Rakastan sinua. (I have some friends here mom ... I’m not all alone. I'll try my hardest to find someone ok? I love you.)”_

_“Rakastan sinua myös kallis poikani. (I love you too my precious boy.)”_

I shook my head as I bundled up and headed to the club. I got there and looked around but didn't see him so I picked a seat at the bar and ordered a martini. About 15 minutes later the lights dimmed and a man started to sing. His voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My back was to the stage so I turned around to watch. When I did my mouth dropped ... it was Adam. I sat there transfixed on this man afraid to even breathe too deeply as I downed another 2 drinks. This was a gay club, did that mean he was gay?


	5. Is This Real

** Adam **

I finished with my set and thanked everyone. This was when I felt like myself, not when I was in a three piece suit entertaining bigwigs from corporate. This was when I was happiest. I walked over to the bar and sat down. Soon I felt someone grab my arm. I was used to this happening after my performances, and truth be told I craved the attention, it made me feel like I wasn't alone. I looked over and saw that it was Sauli. He smiled and rubbed my arm.

“Oh ... hi.” I could feel my face turning 100 shades of red … could I be invisible right now?

“You were amazing Adam.”

“Thanks ... Sauli.”

“You said it right …” He stared at me a moment then opened his mouth to speak. “Adam ... are you gay?”

“Yes.”

I said it very matter of fact and took a long swig of my red wine. He ordered another drink and gently put his hand on my thigh. I could tell he was buzzed already so I gently moved his hand, he didn't know what he was doing. He downed the drink that the bartender placed in front of him and looked me directly in the eyes.

“You're handsome you know ...”

He gently caressed my cheek which made my heart skip a beat. No I couldn't have feelings for him, he's drunk he doesn't know he's doing this. I started to see how unbelievably gorgeous he was and subconsciously found myself playing with a tuff of his platinum blonde hair that was in his face. He leaned forward and kissed me which sent a cascade of electrical shocks thru my body. As much as I didn't want to I gently pushed him away. I wasn't about to take advantage of him in his state.

“I think that's quite enough alcohol for you. Come on I'm going to take you home.”

I gently helped him up and walked him to the passenger side of my car. I started driving and I looked over to see Sauli passed out. I had no idea where he lived so as a last resort I brought him to my house. Carefully I carried him into the guest bedroom and couldn't help kissing his forehead before closing the door behind me.


	6. Where Am I

** Sauli **

Before I even opened my eyes I could tell I wasn't home. The bed sure didn't feel like the concrete slab I usually slept on. I opened my eyes and quickly closed them as the room had started to spin. I slowly sat on the edge of the bed and managed to get them open. Sitting on the bedside table was a glass of water and 2 pills sitting on a piece of paper that simply said 'Sauli'. I sat there confused, where was I and how did they know my name? Without thinking, I popped the pills into my mouth and swigged the water. I carefully stood up and walked into the bathroom. I splashed cool water on my face wiping off the traces of makeup still on my eyes. The bathroom was amazing, spacious with marble countertops and a claw foot bathtub. I turned around and jumped in shock. Standing in front of me was Adam. He looked at me and gave me a slight smile. Boy was his smile gorgeous ... and heartbreaking. Suddenly I started to remember all my drunkenness from the night before. My cheeks turned bright red which made Adam laugh.

“I'm sorry for last night …”

“No worries … It happens to the best of us. How are you feeling?” He seemed concerned about me and it was pretty damn adorable.

“Little dizzy and a headache but fine other than that. Is this your house?”

“Yep ... this is it.”

I caught a glimmer of sadness in his eyes and I found myself rubbing his arm reassuringly.

“What's wrong?”

He let out a sigh and crossed his arms rubbing his bicep. “It's big ... and very lonely. I don't have anyone, no friends ... no family.”

“I can be your friend ... if that's what you want? Maybe if more people could see this you ... the real you they would be here too. Why do you close yourself up?”

“It's a long story ...” I could see his arms tense up from nerves. It was as if he was shutting down again right before my eyes.

“I have the time if you do.” I sat down on the edge of the bed and gently patted the spot beside me. Adam sighed and sat down.


	7. Is This What You Want

** Adam **

I nervously drummed my fingers on my knee. I couldn't believe that I was going to open up to him. He gently placed his hand on my knee and rubbed it.

“Adam ... please tell me?”

He gently reached up and rubbed my cheek. It felt amazing, like shockwaves running thru my veins. I had never had this kind of connection with anyone before. My dating history consisted mostly of one night stands and rejected advances. I sighed and began my story.

“I shut everyone out because it's easier than being hurt. It's easier than feeling less than worthy. When I came out to my parents they threw me out. They said I would never amount to anything. So I moved in with my boyfriend at the time and started business school. A month after I started, 'Wicked' the musical called and wanted me to be Fieryo. It was my dream but I could hear my parents words in my head ... I desperately wanted to make it big to show them, to prove them wrong. I knew I could go so much farther with a business degree so I turned it down. Every day I wonder if I made the right choice. I may have all this but it's not really worth it if you have nobody to share it with.”

“Adam ... what happened to the guy you were with?” He was staring to deeply into my eyes … he really cared about what I was saying and that felt so amazing.

“The day of my graduation he never showed up. I went home and he was in bed with another guy. That was the day I vowed to never let anyone in ... the hurt wasn't worth it.” It felt so good to let all of it out. So many emotions came out at once and I found tears running down my face. Sauli pulled himself on my lap and wiped the tears away.

“Shh it's ok. You've been thru so much ... I can't even imagine.”

He clasped his arms around me and rubbed soothing circles on my back. I found myself putting my head on his shoulder. I noticed for the first time he had a butterfly tattoo on his neck. I smirked and gently pressed my lips to it. He sighed and I gently pulled away.

“Tell me a little about you.” I relaxed a bit looking directly into Sauli’s eyes waiting for him to answer. He shrugged his shoulders and laughed.

“Well, what do you want to know?”

“Where are you from? I love your accent … it’s so sexy.”

“Finland, I just moved here 2 years ago actually.”

I gently reached up and traced his lips with my finger. Suddenly he pushed me backward on the bed and started kissing me. As he continued I gently raked my fingers thru his hair. He curled up on my chest and lazily ran his fingers down my sides. I knew I needed to talk to him about all this but I kept putting it off. Just being this close to him was such an amazing sensation.

“Sauli?” He propped himself up a bit gazing into my eyes with his full attention. “What is this?”

“Me laying here on you?” He raised an eyebrow causing me to let out a nervous giggle.

“No, I mean this … us?”

I gestured down at the both of us. He pulled himself closer to my face and gently took it in his hands.

“What do you want? Do you want this to be something?”

“Yes ... so much.”

I looked at him embarrassed and he gently kissed my lips to calm my fears.

“You are so damn adorable when you're embarrassed.”

“Nobody can know ok? Nobody knows I’m gay. I'm not ashamed and if they asked I'd tell them but I don't need to volunteer the information. They hate me ...”

“They don't hate you ... they just don't understand you. They don't know the real you. They just know the prick that barks orders at them.”

“That's what they see me as? That’s what you saw me as?”

Sauli had said it with a joking tone but it really hurt to know that's what they thought of me. It so wasn't me, I didn't want to be that person. Sauli saw the sadness evident on my face and frowned.

“I never saw you as that. I saw you as a lost soul broken down by something. It's not worth doing something that makes you so unhappy ... it crushes your spirit.”

“My spirit has already been crushed.” I mumbled frowning as Sauli gently rubbed my chin.

“But that doesn't mean that I can't help you get it back. I believe in you, we just need to get you to believe in yourself again.”

He snuggled back up on my chest and slid my shirt up so he could lay on bare skin his head right over my heart. I grabbed the shirt and slid it over my head and threw it down on the floor, pulling the covers up over us. A few minutes later I heard soft snores and realized that he had fallen asleep. I protectively wrapped my arms around him and fell asleep as well.


	8. It's Not Like This

** Sauli **

I woke up nuzzled against Adam’s chest. The only sound in the room was the sounds of our breathing and his gentle snores. I found myself cuddling up closer to him for warmth and he started to stir. I looked him in the eyes and smiled as I brushed back a lock of his hair that had fallen in his face.

“Hey …”

“Hi.” My stomach growled loudly and Adam laughed. “Want me to go get you something to eat? I can’t believe I haven’t fed you yet.”

“You can if you want. I’m not that hungry.”

“Well your stomach thinks otherwise.”

“Well my stomach can mind its own business. I’m quite comfortable where I am thank you very much.” For emphasis I tenderly placed a few kisses on his chest. He gave me a brilliant smile and kissed my lips. He sat us both up and gently cradled me in his arms. He stood up and started carrying me out of the room. “What are you doing?”

“You said you liked where you were so I’m carrying you to breakfast.”

“No Adam it’s ok you can put me down. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh please you are not a problem in the least.” He carried me into the kitchen and balanced me in one arm as he gathered eggs, bacon, potatoes, orange juice, milk, and bread. “How do you like your eggs? Scrambled are my favorite.”

“Mine too.” He was starting to cook but I wiggled trying to get out of his grasp. “Let me down you can’t cook with one arm.”

“Wanna bet?”

I huffed pouting which only made him laugh. “No I don’t … I want to help you.”

He thought about my offer for a moment and then willing put me down. Together we prepared everything and sat down in his gorgeous dining room to eat. I was in awe of everything in his house. I realized that Adam had been talking to me when he started laughing and waved his hand in my face.

“Earth to Sauli … come in Sauli.”

“Sorry … this place is gorgeous Adam. Did you do all the decorating?”

“Yep that’s all me. What I was saying was … do you have plans tonight? You can stay here if you want to? I can take you to your house if you need clothes.”

“No! No I … I can’t.” My sudden change in volume scared Adam and he moved back a little. He looked at me with a questioning look as I hung my head. “Sorry … I just … you can’t come to my place.”

“And why is that?”

I was so embarrassed of the place I lived. I didn’t want Adam to think any less of me for living there. He sat there waiting for a response and I knew I had to tell him. The man did just open up to me and tell me his life story … it was the least I could do.

“It’s nothing like … this. I don’t want you to think less of me.”

“Hey … money doesn’t mean anything to me. This … this is what matters.”

He placed his hand over my heart and smiled. He got changed and together we drove to my house. It definitely wasn’t in the greatest neighborhood and people were eying his BMW the second we drove down my street. I cringed … this definitely wasn’t the greatest idea I’d had. Once I got out of the car the people dispersed … they wouldn’t touch the car knowing that I knew the driver. I guess that was ONE good thing about living there. I walked up the steps 2 at a time and opened up the door allowing Adam to go first. The house was in shambles almost everything broken or simply not working. Adam followed me into my bedroom and shivered at the sudden temperature change. He noticed the broken window but didn’t say anything. I quickly grabbed some clothing and the few dollars I had stashed in my pillow and walked toward Adam who was staring at the cracked wall.

“I told you it was bad.”

“Sauli ... it's so cold in here. How do you sleep?”

“Lots of blankets. I manage, you get used to it after a while.” I lied; I didn't want him worrying about me. Truth be told I shivered every night and barely got sleep. I would wake up and take a steaming shower to warm up, at least the hot water worked ... for now anyway. “I have everything, we can leave.” 

We drove back over to his house and I walked inside and sat down on the couch unsure of what our plans for the rest of the day would be. Adam walked in the room holding ‘Hunger Games’ on Blu-Ray.

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

I nodded and as soon as he joined me on the couch I slid up against him curling up under his arm. He smiled and pulled me in close as I laid my head on his chest. I never wanted to move.


	9. Cutting Costs

** Adam **

Feeling Sauli's warm body snuggled up against me made me happier than I had been in years. I gently ran my fingers thru his hair and lightly kissed his forehead. He gazed up at me and smiled. The movie ended but Sauli didn't move.

“You awake?”

“Umm hmm  ... you’re just so comfortable. It’s ok if I stay here … right?”

“Of course.”

A few minutes later my phone rang. I was going to ignore it but I realized it was the CEO of the company. Begrudgingly I answered not wanting to hear the bullshit he had planned to spew today.

_“Good afternoon sir, what can I help you with?”_

_“Hi Adam. The group of us from corporate are going to be in town tonight and we are having a dinner meeting at 7pm in the office.”_

_“Sir, with all due respect I'm kind of unavailable tonight_

_“Can't you come for a little? We need to talk about cost cutting measures. Your office has way too much payroll.”_

_“Fine, I guess I can spare an hour.”_ I could feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about having to spend even an hour with these people. I hated them and their superiority complexes … they were terrible people. 

_“Thanks Adam we'll see you then.”_

“You have a meeting tonight?” Sauli’s voice snapped me back to reality and I frowned nodding.

“I'm so sorry … that was the CEO of the company. They want to discuss some stuff with me over dinner. Will you be ok?”

“I'll be fine don't worry. I can make dessert and we’ll have it when you get home.”

At 6:30pm I gave Sauli a kiss and left for the office. When I arrived they were already there. I hated these meetings all they cared about was money and how they could get more in their pocket. They saw me and shook my hand and offered me some of the food. All the money they had and they had only picked up McDonalds, a true glimpse of the extent of their greed. I sat there only half paying attention when I heard Sauli's name uttered. My head immediately shot up and I noticed that the CEO was looking at me waiting for an answer.

“Adam what do you think?”

“I'm sorry, what did you say sir?”

“We are getting rid of this Sawlee kid. The filing he's doing can be done by one of the billing people. There is no need for an extra staff member.”

“It's Sauli and you can't!” I immediately regretted the tone in which it came out as I saw all their eyes fall on me. Right then I wanted to be invisible. “He's a hell of a good worker. He stays after all the time and doesn't even ask for extra pay. Last two weeks alone he worked AT LEAST another 20 hours on his time.”

“We have to cut costs. There is no room in the budget for an extra person.”

“Fine then I'll pay him out of my pocket. He doesn't deserve to lose his job.”

“You can't do that Adam. It will be seen as playing favorites. It's not fair for everyone else. When he comes in on Monday just give him his check and send him home. We're also going to need to cut your secretary's shifts by an hour daily and fire 1 of the billing clerks. There are 3 of them we only need 2.”

“I need to go home I told you I only had an hour and it’s already been 2. Thanks for the McDonalds.”

I was pissed and only half-heartedly shook the CEO's hand before walking out of the room unware if they had caught the sarcasm in my last statement. I had no idea how I would tell Sauli that he didn't have a job anymore. It broke my heart even thinking about telling him.


	10. Massage Techniques

** Sauli **

I had debated for the better part of a half hour on what to make for dessert. I finally settled on brownies and thankfully all the ingredients were there. I put them in the oven and when they were done realized there was nothing in the house for on top of them. So I walked down the street to an ice cream parlor and got mint chocolate chip and vanilla. As soon as I had them in the freezer the front door opened and Adam walked in. I could see he looked upset so I walked over to him.

“Hard meeting?” He nodded and I gently rubbed his arm. He just stood there avoiding eye contact and it broke my heart. “I made brownies … mint chocolate chip or vanilla?”

“Mint chocolate chip.”

I scooped some out and put it on each of our brownies and we took a seat at the small table in the kitchen. We both finished and I noticed how tense his shoulders were. I walked up behind him and started rubbing them. He sighed and allowed himself to relax them a bit.

“So tense ... relax.” I reached down and slid my fingers under the hem of his shirt gently pulling upward. I could feel hesitation at first but then he allowed me to slide it off. “Come on, go lie on the couch I'll give you a good massage.”

He walked over toward the couch and laid down on his stomach. I started at his shoulders again and made my way down his back. I reached his ass and gently massaged it with my fingertips. He groaned and lifted himself up a bit. I motioned for him to turn and when he did I noticed the tent in his pants. I ignored it and started at his sides slowly making my way up his chest, then his neck, and finally the sides of his face. He had his eyes closed shut and I gently kissed his forehead. He opened his eyes and looked at me with a loving look of complete relaxation.

“Thanks.” His voice was quiet and reserved but totally appreciative.

“You should probably go take care of your ... problem.” I smirked at him as I looked downward. His cheeks turned pink and he went into the bathroom. After a few minutes I could hear him in there begging for release. He had let the door open a bit so I walked over and peered in. The sight of him jacking off was damn sexy and I felt myself hardening at the sight. I was so caught up in my increasing emotions that I didn't notice that Adam wasn't in sight anymore and suddenly the door swung inward and he caught me with my hand down my pants … literally. I probably looked like a deer caught in headlights as I quickly pulled out my hand. Before I knew what was happening he had me pressed up against the wall kissing me, his tongue battling mine for dominance. We made our way up the stairs and into his room. He gently stripped off my shirt and pants and removed the rest of his clothes. The sight of his naked body was almost too much. God damn he was sexy, and hung like a horse. He leaned down and slid off my underwear and immediately took me in his mouth. God damn it was THE most amazing sensation ever. He definitely had a talented tongue that's for sure. Adam could tell I was nearing my end and quickened his assault. “Shit ... Aaddaammm.”

I came hard and he sucked every last drop before releasing me from his mouth. For my first sexual encounter it was fucking fantastic. He slid up my body and tenderly kissed my lips. I could feel his hardness against my thigh and I gulped ... did he want me to do the same? He could sense my nervousness and he gently rubbed my cheek.

“You don't have to if you don't want to.”

“No it's not that ... I’ve never done it for real before. Only pretending on a popsicle ...” He giggled and gave me one of his brilliant smiles.

“Just pretend I'm the popsicle.” He gently flipped me so he was underneath me and I slid down and slowly took him in my mouth. I tried to take too much too fast and almost gagged. He gently reached down and reassuringly rubbed my arm. “It's ok ... just take it slow.” I didn't think I was doing a good job but the noises coming out of Adam's mouth sure reassured me. I was able to quicken my pace which was enough to send him over the edge. I crawled up his chest and just curled up on him. I was suddenly very tired and he looked as though he was as well. “I couldn't even tell that was your first time.”

“Bull.” I let out a giant yawn and snuggled closer to get more comfortable. Soon I felt his fingers running thru my hair lovingly and his soft singing in my ear. I slowly closed my eyes and fell fast asleep on his naked body.


	11. It Feels Like The First Time

** Adam **

When I woke up Sauli wasn't in bed with me. I sat up and sighed ... I should've told him before we let our hormones get the best of us. I looked up as Sauli walked in the room from the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Hope you don't mind that I took a shower. I found an extra towel in the closet.”

“No, that's fine ...”

He saw sadness in my eyes and walked over and sat next to me.

“Adam, what's wrong?” He looked at me and saw tears streaming down my cheeks. He pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back. “Please ... tell me.”

“The meeting ... they said I have to fire you.”

“What ...?” The look on his face damn near broke my heart.

“I wanted to make you stay ... I was going to pay you out of my pocket. They won't let me ... I'm so sorry Sauli.” I looked at him and he had crossed his arms against his chest and tears were making their way down. “Please don't cry ...”

“I'm going to have to leave. I don't have anymore ... money. I have to go back home.”

“No, live here. I can pay you ... you can help me out around the house. Please ... don't leave, I can't lose you.” I reached over to him and slowly pulled him closer. I looked him in the eyes and wiped the tears away. “Please say something ...”

“I don't know what to say ...”

“Say yes?”

“Yes ... of course.” I lied back down and pulled him on top of me and he wrapped his arms around me. He sure loved to snuggle ... so precious! His cell phone started ringing on the floor in his jeans pocket. I smirked and held him down as I kissed at his neck. His body went limp and he started to moan, apparently kissing his neck drove him crazy. “I ... have to get ... that.”

“Ok fine …”

I allowed him to get up and he scrambled over to his jeans to grab the still ringing phone. He had gotten up so quickly that he lost the towel that was around his waist. I was checking out his ass and he noticed as he answered the phone. He smirked at me and wiggled it as he started rambling on in what I assumed to be Finnish. He got dressed as he talked and suddenly he squealed out in excitement and spun around. A few minutes later he hung up the phone and jumped on the bed with a HUGE smile on his face.

“My best friend Katri is coming to visit for a week on Tuesday. I haven't seen her since I left. She’s staying at some hotel by the airport. I'm so excited!”

“She's welcome to stay here. She can keep you company while I work.

“Really Adam?!?” His eyes lit up and he looked at me questioning if I was actually totally serious or not. He was too cute.

“Of course ... there's plenty of room.”

“Thank you so much!” He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my lips barely touching them together before he jumped up to call Katri back. He was so full of happiness that just being around him made you feel better. He walked back in the room and laid on top of me. “How can I ... thank you?” I was still naked underneath him and I smiled and kissed his neck. He was going crazy from it and I could see the lust evident in his eyes. “I want you ... please.”

I looked at him in surprise and gently rubbed his face.

“Are you sure?”

“Yesss ...”

I got up and grabbed lube and a condom. When I walked back in the room Sauli was lying naked waiting for me ... all of me. I got nervous for a moment. Not that I hadn't had sex loads of times but this was the first time that someone asked me ... that someone wanted me so desperately. I was always the one to suggest it never the other way around. He pulled me down on him and started kissing me. I slowly started kissing my way down his body and when I got to his belly button he moaned and grabbed at the sheets. I slowly lubed up my fingers and slowly inserted one and curled it inside of him. I looked up at him and put my other hand on his stomach.

“Another one?”

“Yesss ...” I inserted another finger and I could tell that this time it hurt a bit. I slowly stretched him as he whimpered and moaned in pleasure arching his back. “Oh shit ...!”

I looked up at him and rubbed his stomach.

“Are you ready?” He nodded and I pulled out my fingers and put on the condom and lubed it up. I started entering him slowly and I could see the pain evident on his face. “Do you want me to stop?”

He shook his head no and I kept at a slow pace until I was all the way in. I stopped to let him get used to the feeling and leaned down to kiss him. I could kiss him all damn day. A few minutes later I stopped and rubbed his cheek. I started a slow rhythmic thrust and soon I could see that he was feeling more pleasure than pain so I increased the intensity. He moaned and yelled out my name. God it was so sexy to hear him moan my name. I grabbed his hardening cock with one of my hands and pumped it in time with my thrusts ... I could tell he was getting close.

“Adam ... I-I-I can't ...” His moaned completely on the edge ready to explode.

“Cum for me baby.”

A moment later he released all over his stomach and my hand. I grabbed onto his waist and pounded into him a few times and shouted as I too came. I pulled out and after tying up the condom, threw it in the garbage. The post orgasmic glow on Sauli's face was breathtaking. I used the sheet to wipe my hand and his stomach and then laid down pulling him on top of me. He was like putty in my hands, limp and almost lifeless. I laid there soothingly rubbing his back, his chest heaving with every breath. A few minutes later his breathing regulated itself and he reached up and kissed me.

“Thank you.”

“You don't have to thank me Sauce.”

“Sauce?”

“Yeah, you just proved how saucy you are so I thought it would be a cute nickname for you.”

He laughed and looked at me for a moment before speaking. “That's fine if I can call you Addy.”

“Why Addy?”

He shrugged his shoulders giggling a bit. “I don't know ... it's cute. It suits you ... the real you.”

“You're adorable. So be honest, how did that compare to the others?” He was quiet for a moment and I lifted up his face which had a blank look on it. “Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you? If you don't like something you have to tell me ... I want to make you happy.”

“You do make me happy I just ... that was my first time.”

“Really?” He nodded and bit down on his bottom lip. I was shocked, he begged me to take his virginity. That was a big deal, he trusted me ... that meant more to me than anything. I lovingly cupped his face and looked him in the eyes. “I wish you would've told me ... I would've prepped you more.”

“Addy you were a perfect gentleman, don't worry. That was fucking amazing ... you're amazing.”

Suddenly he leaned upwards and pouted as he scrunched up his face.

“What babe?”

“Now I have to take another shower.” We both laughed and he got up and walked a few steps before turning toward me and extending his arm. “Join me?”

I got up and grabbed his arm as we walked into the bathroom together.


	12. Just A Lazy Sunday

** Sauli **

I couldn't believe that I was here with this gorgeous man who had just taken my virginity. He was at the stove making us dinner since it was already 4:45pm. His hair was still slightly damp from our shower and flat on his head. He didn't want to be bothered with product when it was just a lazy Sunday. He had finished and he brought over plates of pan-fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, and biscuits. He looked on expectantly as I took my first bites of chicken.

“It's really good Adam.”

“Thanks ... it's really nice cooking for someone and not just for myself. After we're done I'll take you over to your house to pick up your stuff. You don't have much do you?”

“No, just clothing, jewelry, and photo albums. Didn't decorate since I didn't have the money and I figured everything looked like shit anyway, a few pretty things wouldn't change that fact. All the furniture and the TV came with the apartment.”

We finished up and loaded all the stuff in the dishwasher before we left. We got to the house and I made Adam wait outside in the car. It was getting dark and I didn't want someone breaking into it. It took me about 30 minutes but I boxed up everything and carried it down. I loaded the box into the backseat and looked back at the house. It was crappy but in a way I was going to miss it. I took one last look and got back into the car. Adam looked at me and smiled as he gently rubbed my knee.

“You hungry for dessert?”

“Yeah ... there is a place about 5 minutes away that has AMAZING peanut butter pie ... if you like it I mean.”

“Love it … show me.”

I gave him directions to the diner and we got a booth and I snuggled up next to him. We each got a slice and I looked over at Adam.

“Don't you have to get home and go to bed?”

“I usually head in about 10pm. I don't have to be to work until 7:30am.”

“I'm going to miss you when you're gone Addy.” I pouted and he chuckled rubbing my cheek.

“I'll miss you too Sauce.”

We finished our pie and headed back to the house. It was 9pm until we got there so we got changed into sweats and curled up on the couch to watch a little bit of TV. He was fighting sleep so I moved away and rubbed his arm.

“It's ok ... go get sleep.”

“I don't want to ditch you out here.”

“Will you go back if I come in there with you?” He nodded and I got up. Without warning he scooped me up as I giggled and wrapped my legs around him for better grip. He carried me upstairs to his room and gently put me down. I got comfy and he laid down next to me and opened up his arms. I curled up in them and gave him a goodnight kiss.

“I ... love you Adam, goodnight.”

“I love you too Sauli. Goodnight sunshine.”

I thought I would have a hard time falling asleep but laying there with Adam I fell asleep almost immediately.


	13. Time To Be The Real Me

** Adam **

My alarm buzzed and I grunted as I reached over to turn it off. For a moment I forgot that Sauli was in bed with me and smacked him right in the head. He jumped and I felt awful.

“I'm sorry ... I was trying to turn off that damn alarm. Are you ok?”

“Yeah I'm ok ... just scared me.”

I walked over and turned off the alarm and gave Sauli a kiss.

“Go back to sleep love it's only 5am.” I sat on the edge of the bed for a few minutes running my fingers thru his hair as his eyes fluttered with sleepiness. Soon he was out again and I quietly took a shower and walked into my closet to get dressed. I walked out into the room and saw that Sauli wasn't in bed. I looked into the bathroom but he wasn't there either. Then I smelled coffee brewing downstairs. I looked at my watch and saw that it was only 6:10am ... I had plenty of time. I walked downstairs just in time for Sauli to bring a plate with eggs, bacon, and toast plus a cup of coffee to the kitchen table.  “Sauli ... you didn't have to do this. Thank you.”

“My pleasure baby. It's a Monday, everyone deserves to start the week with something good. My gift of good to you. I'm going to go back to bed alright. Have a good day and I'll see you when you get home. I'll have dinner waiting.”

“I don't think there's much here to cook with ... I usually buy takeout on weeknights, I get home too late to cook.”

“I'll just walk to the store ... it's not that far.”

“No, I'll have a driver pick you up. Noon sound good?”

“Alright … yeah noon is fine. Enjoy your breakfast Addy.”

I puckered my lips for a kiss and he laughed as he gave me a sweet peck. He walked up the stairs but stopped halfway up to turn around and blow me a kiss. It was something so simple but it made my heart go pitter pat. I blew him a kiss back and he smiled and continued upstairs. I quickly finished my breakfast wishing I could play hooky and stay in bed all day with Sauli. I hated firing people. I drove to the office and walked upstairs running into Jenna. I could see she looked upset. I knew that I always had put off an 'I don't give a shit about anyone' air but I felt like I couldn't do that anymore. It was like Sauli had broken thru that shell of defense I had built up forever blocking me from hiding behind it. I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder.

“Everything ok?”

“Not really sir ...”

“You can call me Adam ... if you want.” She looked at me with a confused look almost expecting it to be some kind of trap but when she saw the genuine concern in my eyes she let out a deep sigh.

“The CEO was in and told me about decreasing my hours. That's not a problem because then I could have more time with my kids at night. The problem is that he told me to fire the last billing clerk we hired and that would be Emma. She was here a year and a half. She's a damn hard worker and a single mom. Without this job she has nothing, she's going to lose everything. She’s a mess, the other clerks are trying to comfort her in the billing office.”

I walked toward the billing office and saw that she was hysterical. The other two girls were rubbing her back and trying to get her to calm down but it wasn't working. When they saw me they stayed with her instead of going back to their work. It was obvious that they cared about her a great deal. I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder. She looked up and gave the girls glares saying 'what are you doing go to work Adam is right here' without saying the words.

“Emma ... I'm really sorry. If it were up to me I would do anything I could to get you to keep this job. I tried ... really I did.” She looked up at me and saw that I was genuinely upset about everything. Without warning she gave me a hug and wouldn't let go. I put my arms around her and gently patted her back. “Come into my office with me for a minute?”

She nodded and closely followed me into my office. I sat in my chair and pulled out my checkbook. Knowing that she made about $28,000 a year I wrote a check out for $30,000. A year would give her enough time to really look for a new position without rushing into a potentially shitty situation just for the income. I finished filling it out and handed it to her.

“Here's your year's salary. I hope that gives you enough time to find something new. You take good care of your kids ok. If you need me for a reference or anything here's my cell phone number.”

“Is this serious?!?” She looked at me and then the check in total disbelief.

“Yes … 100%.”

“Thank you sir ... thank you so much.”

She gave me another hug and grabbed the box of her things and left the office. I felt good for once ... it was a strange yet powerful feeling. Jenna had overheard everything and walked into the room.

“That was a good thing you just did Adam. The CEO wants Sawlee fired as well.”

“You’re saying his name wrong it’s Sowlee and I know ... I talked to him about it already. He knows not to come in.”

“I hope you weren't too harsh on him. He's only 23 ... just starting out. I know how you can be sometimes.”

“He's fine ... trust me.”

I couldn't help but getting a little smile on my face. Thinking about him sleeping sweetly in my bed right now made my heart do spins. Jenna was the only one that knew I was gay because she had been at a couple of my shows. I had acted like I didn't see her and she never brought it up but she knew I saw her. She was with her brother who was gay. She looked at me and kind of smirked.

“Are you and him … ?”

“Yes ... yes we are.”

“That's great Adam, really it is. You seem like a whole different person because of it.”

“I FEEL like a whole different person.”

We both smiled and I gathered a few things together on my desk until the door busted open and the CEO stormed in. I knew that what I was about to do needed to be done. I had thought about it last night when I woke up with Sauli snoring sweetly next to me.

“Jenna get out of here!! Adam we need to talk NOW!!” He gave me a look over his shoulder and quickly walked away as soon as she was gone he walked over toward my desk slamming his hand down on it. “You gave a check to that billing clerk?!? After I specifically told you NOT TO!”

“I sure did. She was no longer employed by this company at the time so I didn’t do a damn thing wrong.”

He relaxed a little slouching down on the rolling chair I had against the one wall of my office. He kept flicking one of the rollers with his foot making a clicking noise that was totally obnoxious and annoying.

“Well we crunched some more numbers and you need to fire 3 of the 8 support people.”

“No.”

“Excuse me?!?” You wouldn’t thought I told him I was going to set his wife and kids on fire. He got up storming over to me and got right in my face with this ‘ _how dare you_ ’ attitude.

“I said no. I'm not going to fire anyone else so that you can have your yachts, 4 week vacations in Cabo, your fancy $5,000 suits, and your $120,000 yearly salary. These people NEED the money they make they have families and bills. I'm sick of how every time you feel like your way of life could be tarnished you come down here to take it out on these people. The funny thing is you know who the problem is ... you know where all the money is going?!? To all of you corporate bigwigs who sit on your asses and do nothing other than ruin peoples' lives. I've had enough ... I don't need any of this.”

I pulled off my tie and put the items I had gathered into a small box.

“Where do you think you're going!?!”

“Read my lips ... I QUIT. Now you'll have to work for your money. There I just saved you $85,000 a year. Suck it.”

He was stammering and yelling at me to come back but I walked out of the office and saw all the workers standing there in the hallway. As I approached they started cheering and it was obvious that they had heard everything. Jenna was at the end and she gave me a hug.

“Maybe I'll see you at one of your shows?”

“I'd like that ... I'd like that a lot. Thank you for everything Jenna ... for your hard work and for putting up with me. Thank you all for putting up with me. I'm so sorry I was such a hard ass ... all of you didn't deserve it.”

I gave everyone a smile and boarded the elevator and got to my car. I couldn't believe that I had gotten the courage to actually quit. I didn't have to worry about money. I had made investments and had property ... I wouldn't run out anytime soon that's for sure. I headed to the store and picked up all the groceries we would need for meals for the week. It was different having to think that I needed double (and this week triple) the portions of everything. I also bought a cookbook so that I could try different things out. I only knew how to make a handful of things and I wanted to experiment with new stuff. I paid for all the stuff and packed the bags into my car. When I got home it was still only 9:15am, so I quietly put all the groceries away and snuck upstairs. I got changed into a t-shirt and sweats and walked into the bedroom. Sauli was snuggled up against my pillow, but not tight enough that I wouldn't be able to move it. I gently took the pillow from him and replaced it with my body. He automatically curled closer because of my body heat and I just laid there next to him watching him sleep. He looked so at peace. The longer I watched him the heavier my eyelids felt and soon I too drifted off to sleep.


	14. Rakastan Sinua

** Sauli **

I could feel body heat against me and I opened my eyes to see Adam lying in bed with me. I looked at the clock, it was 10:45am ... why was he home? I had to pee so I gently removed myself from his arms and walked into the bathroom. When I walked back into the room he was just starting to wake up.

“Hey beautiful ...”

“What are you doing here?”

“They wanted me to fire 3 more people ... I quit.”

“You didn't ... now neither of us will have income come in. What are we going to do Adam?”

“Sauli … trust me there's nothing to worry about. We could never work again and we'd be perfectly fine. I went grocery shopping so you don't have to. There's plenty of stuff out there to make whatever you want. I made sure to get more than I think the two of us will need so there's sure to be enough for Katri. Has she ever been here before?”

“No it will be her first time.”

“We'll probably be spending more time exploring restaurants then. There are soo many good ones to choose from.”

“We don't have to Addy, she's not picky she'll eat here. It’s too expensive to eat out.”

“Don’t worry about the money … I got it ok.”

My phone started to ring and I looked down to see it was my mom. I smiled and walked into the bathroom to answer.

_“Katri soitti ... löysit jonkun?!? (Katri called me ... you found someone?!?)”_

_“Kyllä ... kyllä minä. (Yes ... yes I did.)”_

_“Mikä hänen nimensä on? (What is his name?)”_

_“Adam ... hän on hämmästyttävä. (Adam … he is amazing.)”_

_“Oi, olen niin onnellinen sinulle. Sinun ei tarvitse olla yksin nyt. (Oh I'm so happy for you. You don't have to be alone now.)”_ I suddenly realized how much I missed my family back home and the tears I had been fighting back fell free. “Sauli ... mikä on väärässä? ( _Sauli ... what's wrong?)”_

_“Kaipaan sinua ... kaipaan kaikkia. Kaipaan vähän Suomesta, vaikkakaan ei kylmää. (I miss you ... I miss everyone. I even miss Finland a little, although not the cold.)”_

_“Katri tulee huomenna ..., joka auttaa kotihoitoa. Minun täytyy mennä syömään illallista. Soitan muutaman päivän päähän? Rakastan sinua Sauli. (Katri is coming tomorrow ... that will help your homesickness. I have to go cook dinner. I'll call you in a few days ok? I love you Sauli.)”_

_“_ _Rakastan_ _sinua.”_

I hung up and realized that Adam had been watching and saw me cry. He walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me to comfort me.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes ... as long as you're here I'll be fine. I'm just a little homesick.”

“You want to go outside for a little? I have a porch swing ... it might be nice with the cool breeze.”

“I'd love to.”

We walked outback and I gasped. There was a patio that had a retractable roof on it which led to a HUGE indoor pool room. The pool was complete with a waterfall and slide. Adam saw my shocked expression and smirked at me.

“Or we could go swimming? The water is heated right now.”

“We can’t … I don't have a swimsuit.”

“Who says we need one?” He stripped naked and slipped into the warm water. He stayed at the water’s edge and held out his arms for me to slide into the water with him. I stripped and walked into his arms. There was seating carved out in the side of the pool so we went over and just sat there enjoying the warm water. “Sauli?”

“Mmm hmm?”

“Will you tell me what you said to your mom before you hung up?”

“Rakastan Sinua?” He nodded and I smirked at him. I wasn’t going to make it that easy for him. “Nah not gonna tell you.”

“Awe come on!”

“Make me ...”

I said it in a husky tone and licked my lips as I quickly swam away from him. Of course he caught me in no time flat and pinned me up against the side of the pool. He started kissing my neck fiercely as I moaned in pleasure. I gently grinded up against him which made him moan.

“Sauli ... don't. No ... condoms ... here.”

“So what ...” He quickly turned me around and entered me as I yelled in pleasure. “Yessss just like that! Oh god ...”

We didn't last long at all but it was enough to chill our hormones ... for a little while anyway. We were curled up on the seat in the pool when I gently reached over and kissed his cheek.

“It means “ _love you_.” He looked at me confused and I smiled reaching up to rub his cheek with my thumb. “Rakastan Sinua ... it means ‘ _love you_ ’.”

“Well then ... Rakastan Sinua Sauli.”

“Rakastan Sinua Adam.”

He kissed my forehead and I could see the edges of his smile. “Teach me another word?”

I thought for a moment and smiled at him.

“Siippa.” I gently ran my fingers across his bare chest my eyes avoiding his. “Sina olet minun siippa.”

I wasn't going to tell him what it meant but he gently cupped my chin bringing my face back up. Our eyes locked and my cheeks got pink. My heart started racing as I looked into his crystal blue eyes.

“It means ... you are my better half.”

“And you are mine Sauce.”


	15. Maybe Dreams Do Come True

** Adam **

I was curled up in bed. We spent the first half of the day swimming and walking around the property. The second half was spent cooking dinner together. Katri's flight was coming in at 8am so we figured we would get to bed early, but Sauli was so excited he couldn't even think about sleep. He went to take a bath to hopefully relax himself. He was in there for about 45 minutes so I went in to check on him. He was fast asleep with his head leaning on the tub ledge and ice cold water enveloping his body. I drained the water and gently pulled him out wrapping a towel around his ice cold body. I gently dried him off and slid a pair of sweats on him. He stirred a bit and found himself in my arms.

“Shh go back to sleep angel.” I carried him into the master bedroom and put him on the bed. Then I curled up next to him as he snuggled into my chest, I would never tire of that adorable gesture. I woke up to the alarm and saw that Sauli was already up and in the shower. So I walked in the bathroom after him and stepped in. He was singing some Finnish song but stopped when the curtain pulled back. He had this cute little embarrassed look on his face and I laughed as I stroked his cheek. “I like when you sing ... it's adorable.”

He still had shampoo in his hair so I gently ran my hands thru his hair under the water to get it all out. He smiled and in turn pulled out my shampoo and applied a generous amount to my locks before massaging it in. God it felt SO good. We took turns cleaning each other and I gave him an appreciative kiss before stepping out of the shower. I slid on a pair of underwear and threw a pair of Sauli's to him. We both walked back in the bathroom to work on our hair. Thank god when I had the house built I made sure they put a double sink and mirror in the master bedroom. Two gay guys sharing one sink and mirror definitely wouldn't work. I was putting product in my hair when I looked over at Sauli and saw him staring at me with a love drunk smile on his face.

“Addy ... I like that.”

“Like what love?”

“Our showers ... I think they are my favorite.”

“Mine too baby.”

I kissed his forehead and after we got dressed we left for the airport. We waited at the gate for about an hour and finally her plane landed. Katri saw Sauli and took off running for us. Sauli wrapped his arms around her and wouldn't let go ... it was really sweet. They were talking but were too far away for me to hear what they were saying. Finally Sauli walked Katri over and they stopped in front of where I was standing.

“Katri ... this is Adam. Adam ... this is Katri.”

“Hi, it's really nice to meet you Katri.”

“You too. Sauli likes you a lot I see.”

“I like him a lot too.” I gave Sauli a smile and he lowered his head with a smile on his face. “Are you hungry Katri?”

“Yes, the food on the plane was awful.”

“What do you think Sauce, restaurant or home?”

“The diner we went to for the pie has awesome breakfast.”

“That's settled then. Come on let's get your bags.”

We got all the bags and everyone settled in the car. Sauli insisted on sitting in the backseat with Katri and they were rambling on in rapid Finnish. Whatever he was talking about he seemed so happy. We got to the restaurant and after we ordered Katri excused herself to head to the bathroom. Sauli looked at me and smirked.

“She asked why you called me Sauce.”

“Did you tell her?”

“I may have ...”

“Sauli!!”

He giggled and since he was sitting across from me I gently grabbed his hand rubbing the back of it. My phone started ringing so I quickly glanced at it to see who it was and if I could let it go to voicemail. It was the theatre producer for Wicked on Broadway. He knew how much I loved the show and would always call if he had extra seats for the performances, I had probably seen it 75 times. I smiled ... this would be something perfect to take Sauli and Katri too. I wondered if Sauli had even ever been to a Broadway show.

_“Hey Todd. What's up?”_

_“Are you free tonight?”_

_“Kind of ... why?”_

_“We have a bit of a situation.  The actor that plays Fieryo broke his leg and the understudy is out with the flu. I know how much you love the character and I was wondering if you felt comfortable enough to fill in?”_ I could feel my heart start to beat 1000x a minute. There was no way in hell I was hearing what I just heard.

_“No freakin way? Seriously?!? Hell yes I would.”_

_“I have 2 seats available for you that you can have ... 3rd row center aisle. Can you be here at 3pm? The cast wants to do a run thru to make sure you're comfortable with the dialog and choreography. It’s not open to the public but before the show your guests are welcome to come backstage if they would like.”_

_“Alright ... I'll see you at 3pm.”_

I hung up the phone and pretty much wanted to jump up on the booth and spin around screaming for joy at the top of my lungs. Katri came back to the booth and Sauli could see I was about ready to explode from excitement.

“What’s going on Adam?”

“You'll never guess what just happened! I was just hooked up to play Fieryo on Broadway TONIGHT! I'll get my chance again, but this time it won't be for the LA production it will be for Broadway. I can't believe it!!! Plus you both get to come see it!!!”

“Oh my god Adam I'm so happy for you!!! You deserve this baby you really do!”

Katri looked at Sauli confused and Sauli smiled at her and said something in Finnish. She immediately got excited and grabbed my hand. “Congratulations.”  

They both turned into excited 5 year olds. We finished eating and drove back to the house. When Katri saw the house she grabbed Sauli's leg.

“That's ... the house?”

“Yes, it’s beautiful isn’t it.

“More than beautiful ... _upea_.” I grabbed her bags and Sauli walked her inside. She gasped from even seeing the living room. I started taking her bags up into the guest room and they followed. She just stared at the room in complete and utter awe. “This is half my apartment. _Sauli, voimme jakaa_?”

“Katri!” They both busted into fits of giggles as Sauli playfully pushed Katri. I looked at them and raised my eyebrow in confusion. “She wants to know if I can share you.”

“Sowlee noooo.”

She turned red and buried her face in a pillow. Sauli got on top of her and started tickling her until she finally released the pillow red faced and gasping for breath. Sauli was always happy and joyful but seeing how excited he was right then put the Sauli I knew to shame. He was absolutely precious and so blissfully happy. I left the room to allow them to have some time together and went in the master bathroom to shave. They sure didn't want a scruffy Fieryo. It was only 11am and sitting around doing nothing was just making me more anxious. I walked back in toward the guest bedroom. On the way back from the airport we had stopped at the store to buy swimsuits. Everyone was looking at us like we had three heads but Katri was saying that she's probably go swimming even in an outdoor pool the temperatures were that much warmer than the ones in Finland. I walked into the bedroom and saw Katri and Sauli talking. Whatever he was talking about it was with a straight face. I stood there wishing I could understand. They noticed me and both smiled.

“Do you feel like going swimming? It’s clean I ran the filters overnight.”

I stifled a giggle but Sauli didn't fare as well and Katri looked at him.

“It's nothing Katri... the pool was just a little dirty from Adam not using it.” He waved his hand in the air like he was brushing it off and he followed me into the bedroom to get changed while Katri got changed in her room. After we changed into our swim trunks I looked over at Sauli. “What Addy?”

“What were you talking about in there ... you looked so serious?”

“She asked me if I missed home. I was saying that I do but I couldn't imagine going back there to stay. I would be leaving you ... and I couldn't do that. You mean far too much to me. She was saying that she was proud of me for finding someone that I would trust my heart to. A lot of people hurt me in the past Adam, but I knew you were different. I was drawn to you. She likes you, you know.” He paused a moment staring into my eyes. “It’s just hard to for her to understand what you’re saying when you get excited you tend to ramble and she can’t catch it all. She's not as used to it in a quickened pace like I am.”

“Sorry ... I'll try to slow it down a bit. I keep forget that English isn't her first language. You're so good with it that I guess I don't realize.”

“Yeah it took lots of work for me to understand this well. Truth be told though I still occasionally miss a few words here and there. You shaved ...”

“Yeah I doubt they want a scruffy Fieryo. I’m getting so nervous already” He reached up running his hands across my stubble free face grinning.

“Don’t be … you can do it. You’re going to be amazing I promise you. I’ll be the one cheering for you the loudest ok? I still can't believe it! You'll get to live your dream Addy. I'm so proud …. I love you so much.”

“I love you too …” He tenderly kissed my lips and we noticed that Katri was at the doorway.

“Sorry, can we swim now?”

“Yes, come on you'll have to leave soon Adam.”

We all went out in the pool. I figured that the heat would loosen up my muscles and make things easier for tonight. I mostly sat in the cutout while Sauli and Katri raced each other. My heart was racing and I sipped throat coat tea to make sure my voice was in tiptop shape.  It was about 1:45pm when I got out of the water. Sauli noticed and swam over to the edge.

“Getting out already?”

“Yeah ... I have to get changed and then I want to call for a car to come get the both of you later. I want to leave by 2:15pm incase I hit traffic ... I don't want to be late.”

“Come here baby.” I walked over and he used his arms to boost himself enough to give me a kiss. “ _Onnea_ ... Good luck. Is there any dress code for the show?”

“No not really, wear what you want. I usually just wear a nice shirt and dress pants when I go. I try to stay away from t-shirt and jeans.”

“Ok ... you said you'll call a car?”

“Yes Sauce ... not to worry. I'm going to tell them to pick you both up for 7pm.”

I quickly walked in my room and got changed into comfortable yet stylish clothing. Then I hopped in my car and as I was driving called for a town car. I got to the venue around 2:45pm and Todd was waiting for me at the stage door. He smiled and pulled me into our traditional hug.

“There's something different about you. You're glowing.”

“Yeah I'm very happy right now. I'm dating a wonderful guy ... he's actually coming tonight with one of his best friends who's visiting the country.”

“I'm so happy for you. Where is he from?”

“Originally from Finland but he lives here now. His name is Sauli.”

“Language barrier?”

“A little bit. I have to remember to talk slower than normal and not ramble ... or mumble. But he’s really good at catching on most of the time.”

“Let’s get you backstage, the cast is waiting for you.”

We spend the next 2 hours going over choreography and lines. Luckily I had all the lines memorized I had seen it so many times. The dancing gave me a bit of trouble but by the end of the 2 hours I had that as perfected as could be expected. I went right from there to be fitted for my outfits. Luckily they didn't have to make too much of an alteration. I was done around 5:45pm and the show wasn't to start until 8pm. They led me to my dressing room and I nervously paced, the minutes feeling like hours.


	16. You're A Natural

** Sauli **

“Katri on löytänyt jotain vielä? Kiirehdi se on jo kello 18.30! (Katri have you found something yet? Hurry up it's already 6:30pm!)”

I paced outside the closed door to Katri's room checking and rechecking my watch. After about another 3 minutes the door opened and she was wearing a blue dress shirt and black dress slacks with boots. She had eye shadow and eyeliner in her hand.

“Meikki? (Makeup?)”

“Se on myöhässä ... minulla ei ole aikaa tehdä sitä. (It’s late … there’s not enough time for me to do it.)” She pouted at me and I sighed dramatically as I quickly put it on her in the hallway. It wasn't anything new if I was around she ALWAYS made me put her makeup on. She said that I did a much better job than she ever would. There was a loud knocking at the door so I grabbed her arm and pulled her down the steps with me. I opened it and saw that the driver was there already. “Valmis Katri? (Ready Katri?)”

“Kyllä mennään. (Yes, let's go.)”

We locked up the house and got in the car that was waiting. We got stuck in traffic and didn't end up getting there till 7:40pm. I was supposed to meet Adam at the stage door and go backstage but it was too late when we got there to go back.

“Hey baby! Sorry we’re late, traffic was a nightmare.”

“It’s ok. Here are your tickets. Go around front and they'll let you in. After the show just wait for me out here. You'll just ride home with me in my car.”

“Love you.”

“I love you too. You look amazing Sauli ... you both do.” Katri smiled at him and reached out shaking his hand.

“Thank you ... Adam. Good luck”

I carefully kissed him so I didn't smudge all his makeup and he smiled before retreating thru the stage door. We walked around to the front of the theatre and handed them our tickets. We found our seats and a few moments later the show began. It was surreal seeing Adam up on stage ... and boy did he own it. He was AMAZING! I was so proud of my _siippa_. We walked out back and saw there was a crowd gathered by the stage door. I was told this was a normal occurrence, people always wanted to get the autographs of the stars. About an hour later Adam emerged and the crowd went crazy. It took Adam by surprise I think ... he didn't know what to do. He smiled and took pictures and signed autographs for everyone ... luckily there were only about 30 people there. He finally got to me and smirked at me.

“And what can I do for you gorgeous?”

“Come here ...” He wrapped his arms around me and I lovingly rubbed his back. “You were amazing ... you're a natural. They love you.”

“Do you love me?”

“That's a stupid question.” I leaned in and gave him a kiss as the crowed awed ... it was pretty cute.

“You were amazing Adam ... very good.”

“Thank you Katri. Did you follow along ok?

“Sauli had to help a little ... it moved fast. I liked it though once I understood what was going on.”

“Let's get home, you must be exhausted Katri it’s been a long day.”


	17. Vittu Tätä Paskaa

** Adam **

I woke up and saw that Sauli's side of the bed was empty and untouched. I sighed and sat up looking out the window at a fresh blanket of snow on the ground. Sauli would be happy, he missed snow so much. We had gotten into a fight the night before so I knew he would probably be sleeping on the couch. I stretched and walked downstairs but he wasn't anywhere in sight.

“Sauli ... where are you?”

I wandered into the kitchen and saw a note on the fridge. When I read it my heart dropped.

_Adam,_

_I can't do this anymore, any of it. I have to be with people who are there for me and love me. I'm going home. I used your card to buy my plane ticket … you said I could use it for anything I wanted. Actions speak louder than words._

I felt like I was going to be sick. All I could think about was the night before.

*Tonight was supposed to be my early night, we only had a matinee but I got stuck doing promo and then I got a call to come pick up something I had custom ordered at a shop out of town. I had promised to take Sauli out to a romantic dinner but by the time I got home it was already 10pm. He was sitting on the couch in his sweats holding a pillow.

“Sorry baby. Promo you know how it is.” I walked over and went to caress his face but he shoved my arm away. “What the hell is your problem?!?”

“What is MY problem?!? You hear but don't listen, you look but don't see! Christmas Adam, we were supposed to go to Finland! You swore that you would do whatever it takes!!”

He was animated swinging his arms around and I let out a sigh as he crossed his arms in annoyance.

“Sauli I can't you ...”

“Don't even start I don't want to hear it!! I'm sick of being alone in this house!!”

“Look you made the choice not to go anywhere with me YOU not me!!!”

He let out a frustrated grunt and threw his arms up in an 'I give up' fashion.

“Vittu tata paska!!”

He stormed outside and I didn't follow him*

I sat there in shock shaking like a leaf. What did I miss? I pulled up pictures on the computer of events that Sauli had accompanied me to over the last year. Looking at them now I could see what I hadn't before. In all of them Sauli wasn't with me, he was always a few steps behind with a look of complete and utter sadness on his face. Even now looking at photos taken by photogs of us shopping or eating, I couldn't see the glowing Sauli I knew. Instead I saw someone who had given up and was just going thru the motions of life without LIVING. I sat in my kitchen and wept ... how could I be so fucking stupid. I quickly dialed Todd and after a few rings he answered.

_“Hello?_

_“It's Adam I have a family emergency and I have to go out of town for a few weeks. I'm really sorry to do this for you but I don’t have a choice right now.”_

_“Not a problem we'll make it work. Is everything ok?”_

_“I don't know yet ... I hope so.”_

I hung up and tried to call Sauli only to find out that he had blocked my number. I sighed angrily as I searched my contacts for Katri's number to my delight it started ringing and she answered.

_“Moi.”_

_“It's Adam please don't hang up.”_

_“Leave him alone ... you really hurt him.”_

_“Please let ...”_

It was too late she had hung up on me. I tried to redial her phone number but it wouldn't connect, she had blocked me too. I knew I had to fly out there, but I had no idea where his parents lived. I booked a flight and arrived in Helsinki around 8pm. I hailed a cab to the hotel and after leaving my luggage on my bed I remembered Sauli talking about a club he wanted to take me to our first night there. It was the best shot I had of finding Sauli so I walked the short distance there. For the next 3 days I was there from open to close with no sign of Sauli. On the 4th day I saw Katri at the bar talking with what seemed to be a friend as she waited for her drink. I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder. The brilliant smile she had on her face when she turned to me dimmed to one of shock upon seeing my face.

“Adam ... what are you doing here?”

“I had to come see Sauli, to apologize. I've been staying at the Hilton. I don't know where his parents live or anything, I just remember him talking about this club and wanting to take me here. I've been here the past 3 days from open to close.”

“Olet kusipaa!!” I looked at her confused and she shook her head frustrated. “You are an asshole!”

“Fine ... I’ll give you that.  Please, tomorrow is Christmas Eve ... I need to see him. Please Katri …”

Tears built in my eyes and when she saw them I could see her melt a little.

“You did come all this way for him ... he's in the back room here you know. We rented it for a party. I could take you back there.”

“Can you explain a drink to the bartender for me? It’s Sauli’s favorite … we made our own little twist on it.” She nodded and after I gave her the ingredients explained it to the bartender. He made it perfectly. I paid him and Katri went to hand me the drink. “Take it over to him he'll know it's from me. I'll follow you to the doorway; tell him if he wants to talk to come over. I don't want to intrude on your party.”

“Ok.”

I followed closely behind her to the back of the club and thru a doorway. I waited as Katri walked over. My eyes were immediately drawn to the back of the room. There was Sauli surrounded by friends just glowing. He laughed and it nearly made my heart break in two, it had been too long since I had seen him this happy. I wanted him to be happy, I didn't want him to come back to me only to be a shadow of himself. That would be selfish of me to hold him back. I walked back out the door and left for the hotel.


	18. He's Different

** Sauli **

I didn't realize how much I had missed my friends until I was surrounded by them. God it felt amazing, like I had been rejuvenated. It felt good to laugh again. I saw Katri walking over out of the corner of my eye and smiled. She reached out to hand me a drink and upon seeing it, it felt like my heart stopped beating.

“Katri ... he's here?”

“Yes he wants to talk to you. He's waiting for you at the doorway.”

I looked over but didn't see him anywhere. We both walked out into the main bar but his ebony locks were nowhere in sight. I shrugged my shoulders, just like the Adam of late to give me a glimmer of hope and then yank it all backwards.

“He must've changed his mind.”

“He didn't seem like he would change his mind. He was really determined to talk to you.”

“Then he had you fooled as well. He's changed Katri, he's not the Adam you met last year or talked to on Skype he's ... different. Come on let's get back to the party.”

I took a long swig of the drink and sighed ... just like Adam made it.


	19. It Was Worth It ... You Were Worth It

** Adam **

I woke up at noon and sighed ... I would be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day alone in a hotel room of a foreign country. I could fly home but I doubt there would be a flight and besides even if he wasn't with me I felt close to Sauli here. This was his birthplace and I wanted to see it all, it was insanely beautiful. My phone started to ring and I quickly noticed that it was Katri.

_“Katri?”_

_“Sauli thinks that you don't care about him. Why did you leave?”_ I got quiet for a minute before I spoke back up again spending that time sliding a bracelet around on my wrist.

_“He was so happy Katri, I haven't seen him that happy in a long time. I don't want to take that happiness from him.”_

_“He wants to see you Adam … you have to come see him. Go to the train station and take Route 1256. When you get to the train station go down the main road about a mile and the house is on the right number 120. It has a giant Christmas tree in the window and icicle lights trimming the house. I'm here now so I have to go, I don't want anyone to hear. You'll come right?”_

_“Yes of course …”_

I hung up and quick jumped in the shower. I put on my nicest outfit and wool coat and headed to the train station. I paid for a ticket and was told the ride was only about an hour. We were still about 10 miles from Hyvinkaa when the train slowed to a halt and they announced something in Finnish over the intercom as everyone groaned in anger. The young man sitting next to me could tell by the confusion on my face that I didn't understand and smiled at me.

“There is a huge tree on the track, they have to call for a crane but it will take 3-4 hours to even get here. So we're stuck here till then. The track might even be damaged ... they don't know.”

It was already 1:30pm I didn't have the time to wait.

“Can you translate for me. Ask the attendant if I can get off the train. I don't have time to wait I have to get somewhere, someone I love is waiting for me. I’m surprising them … they don’t know I’m here.”

The man got up and said something to the attendant. She thought for a moment and then looked at me and nodded the man patting my shoulder as I passed.

“Hyvaa Joulua ... Merry Christmas.”

“Hyvaa Joulua ...” I tested out the sound and he smiled and nodded. “Thank you ... kiitos.”

“Ole Hyva ... you're welcome. Just follow the walkway next to the train tracks and you'll be fine.”

I headed off the train and was making great time until it started to snow. I walked the last 5 miles with blinding bitter snow blowing against me. It took me 5 hours but I got to Hyvinkaa. I was so cold I was numb. I stepped into the train station for a few minute relief from the cold and looked into a mirror. My face was beat red, not the first impression I hoped to make. I looked at my watch and saw that it was 6:45pm so I started the last mile of my journey. Sure enough I couldn't miss Sauli's house, it was the prettiest one there. I could smell the fragrant aromas coming from the house and my stomach grumbled. As I got closer I could hear the joyful conversation coming from inside. Someone must've said something funny because everyone laughed, I could hear Sauli's laugh loud and clear. God it sounded so beautiful. I reached the window and saw his precious face and the faces of Katri and all his family. It seemed at least 20 people were crammed into a space made for 10 but they didn't seem to mind. They were happy to be with family, with people who loved them and understood them. I felt like an outsider, like Sauli must've felt all these months ... it wasn't a good feeling. I paused for a moment then knocked loudly on the door. Sauli was at the open end of the table so he walked over laughing and rambling on the whole way there. When he opened the door he was still looking at his family and for a moment I caught his smile close up. He turned to see who was at the door and upon seeing me he froze.

“Hyvaa Joulua … Sauli.”

He took one look at me and ushered me inside taking off my sopping jacket and wrapping me with warm blankets by the fire. My face stung from being exposed to the bitter cold for so long. He said something in Finnish to his mom and she walked over with some kind of warm broth. Sauli took the bowl from her and held it to my lips so I could sip it since my arms were buried under the heavy layers of blankets. About 20 minutes later my color returned to normal and I noticed that the conversation had stopped over in the dining room. He looked up at me with a worried questioning look.

“What happened?

“I tried to take the train here. There was a tree on the tracks and they didn't know how long a crane would take, or even if the track was damaged, so I got out and walked the rest of the way.”

He looked outside and saw how hard it was snowing, the bitter wind whipping it thru the air.

“How far?”

“Just about 10 miles to the station. Then the extra mile here.”

He gently pushed my chest throwing his hands up in the air.  

“What are you nuts!?! You could've frozen to death out there!!”

“It was worth it ... you're worth it.” He looked at me and a tear ran down his face. I unburied a hand and gently brushed it away with a finger. “I'm so sorry Sauli I'm a damn fool ... please forgive me. Please ...?”

He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss. He gently rubbed my cheek and smiled at me. It was as if by getting my dream job I had lost myself in a way. Being here for Sauli, and Sauli alone showed him that the real me was still there. The man that he fell in love with, not the one who dedicated himself to work at the expense of his relationship.

“I missed you so much Addy ...”

“I missed you Sauce ... so very much.” Sauli's back was to the table and I looked over his shoulder to see everyone staring at us. I placed my head on his neck and whispered in his ear. “Everyone is staring at us.”

“Good ... let them.”

As he sat on my lap and started kissing me, happy squeals came from who I assumed were Katri and Sauli's mom. Soon Katri came running over and threw her arms around the both of us. Sauli hopped off my lap and giggled as he pulled me off the couch. I knew what he was about to do and tensed up a bit. He rubbed my arm reassuringly and together we walked over toward the table.

“Tämä on Adam. Hän on poikaystäväni (This is Adam. He is my boyfriend.)”

A chorus of awes filled the room and one by one family members came up to give me a hugs. Everything that was said Sauli would lean over and translate it so I wouldn't be left out.

“Sauli, miksi hän oli niin kylmä? (Sauli, why was he so cold?)”

“Juna hajosi. Hän käveli 11 mailia täällä. (The train broke down. He walked 11 miles here.)”

She gasped and hurried over clasping my face in her hands and kissing my forehead.

“Huono rakas olisit voinut jäätyä! (Poor dear you could've froze!)”

Everyone laughed and then started passing me various foods. Sauli would explain to me what each of them were and soon we were all laughing and having a wonderful time. Sauli mentioned that I was a beautiful singer and they all begged me to sing even though they wouldn't really understand it. I started to sing 'The Prayer' and pretty much everyone had tears in their eyes by the time I was done. They all cheered and I smiled as Sauli pulled me in close with his arm. We had all gathered in the living room for opening presents. I was sitting on one of the couches and Sauli was curled up on my lap. Everyone was upset because they didn't have anything for me. I told Sauli to tell them that being here with them accepting me was enough of a gift. Sauli was opening all kinds of things from his family and I just put my head on his shoulder. Finally when everyone was done I reached into my pocket and handed Sauli a box.

“What's this?”

“The one thing I was able to buy you. It was some of the reason I was late coming home the other day. I had promo and then the guy making it wanted me to come see if it was ok and pick it up. Get up for a minute I want to see your face when you open it.”

He stood up allowing me to kneel in front of him while he slowly opened the box. It was a steampunk heart locket with a black crystal in it. He gasped at it and threw his arms around my neck.

“I love it baby ... thank you.”

“There's more ... it opens up.”

He opened up the locket and there was a ring inside. For a moment he didn't realize that I had shifted and was now only on one knee. Everyone else realized what was happening before Sauli did and his mom started crying tears of happiness. Suddenly it was as if he realized and I gently took his hand in mine.

“My beautiful sunshine ... I love you so much. I want you to know that there will NEVER be another time where I put my career before you. You are my world and I can't live without you. I'm lost without you. Sauli ... will you marry me?”

“Yes Adam ... of course.”

He threw his arms around me and everyone cheered coming over to hug us. I slid the ring on his finger and it fit perfectly. One of his aunts offered for us to stay at her house so we could have some time alone. We thanked her and left for her house. It was only about a 5 minute walk away so we decided to travel by foot. This time Sauli gave me one of his brand new scarfs to keep my face warm. We reached the house and lit the fireplace. We both curled up next to it Sauli wrapped up in my arms.

“I love you baby.”

“How much?” He teased smiling as I giggled raking my fingers on his back.

“Tell ... or show?”

He smirked at me and kissed at my neck before whispering in my ear.

“What do you think?”

“Isn't it a little cold?”

“I'm fine baby ... don't worry about me. I'm used to the cold.”

I slid off his sweater and raked my fingers across his sensitive stomach. I leaned down and kissed around his belly button then delivered a series of short licks to his skin. It had been a long time since I had done any of this. The few times we had sex lately were wham bam thank you man events because I was exhausted. I was selfish and it was time to show Sauli just how much he meant to me. I gently laid on top of him and ran my fingers thru his hair. I started kissing him my tongue battling his for dominance. For once I let his take control but only for a minute before I pulled away. I stood back up and reached into the messenger bag I brought on the train with me. I pulled out a bottle of massage oil and dumped a bit in my hands. I started with his neck and moved all the way down his chest covering every inch. I stopped and slid off his jeans leaving his underwear on him. I smirked and brought my mouth within a few inches of his growing cock and blew hot air on it. He shuddered and let out a soft moan. I added a little more massage oil to my hands and started at his thighs and made my way down each of his legs working every individual muscle down into the toes. I leaned down and lightly pressed my lips to his before whispering in his ear.

“Turn over ...” I started back up at the shoulders and took my time massaging his back. He was completely relaxed, so much so that when I removed his underwear he didn't even notice until my hands were on his ass massaging it. Boy did he like that. “You like this baby?”

“Yes ... it feels so good. Don’t stop …”

I knew what really drove Sauli crazy but I hadn't done it in a long time. I slowly ran my finger over his hole then slowly inserted the tip of it and thrusted it in and out a couple of times. I removed my finger which resulted in a low groan from Sauli's mouth. Before he could protest more I replaced my finger with my tongue. He went absolutely wild moaning my name and random Finnish words. I could tell he was getting close so I quickly flipped him over and took him in my mouth. Not even 2 minutes later he exploded down my throat and I sucked him completely dry. I sat on the couch and pulled him into my arms cradling his limp naked body. He regained control of his breathing and snuggled up against me rubbing his ass on my raging hard on. 

“No ... tonight is about you.”

“But Addy ...” He reached down and slid his hand down the front of my pants cupping my cock and gently stroking it. He gently removed his hand and laid me down on the couch and he slowly undressed me from the waist down. I knew he always had a thing about me letting him top but I always avoided the subject. I was lost in my thoughts when I felt him run his finger over my hole. I inhaled deeply and pushed back against his hand. He looked at me with wide questioning eyes and a smile. I looked back at him and reached my hand down to rub his arm.

“Really baby?”

“If that's what you want ... it's your night.”

He inserted 2 fingers right away driving me completely mad. I moaned out from a mixture of pain and pleasure and yanked lightly on Sauli's hair to bring him down to meet our mouths. While our tongues were still intertwined he inserted a 3rd finger and I moaned into his mouth sending electrical impulses straight to his leaking cock. A few minutes later he pulled away and looked me in the eyes.

“Do you have lube?”

“Yeah ... over in the ... the bag.”

He removed his fingers and ran over to the bag and retrieved the bottle. He slicked himself up and looked at me one last time for approval. I nodded fiercely too far gone at that point to tell him no even if I wanted. He growled at me and licked at my stomach under my shirt.

“My baby wants it rough right?”

“You know me ... too damn well.” He leaned down to kiss me and without warning slammed straight into me in one quick thrust. He grabbed my sides and just pounded into me. I never thought I could feel pleasure as fantastic as this ... I was in nirvana. “Oh my god!! Fuckkkkk!!”

I reached down to grab my cock and started jacking off to the sight of my sexy hot fiancé slamming into me. I knew I would last longer than he would and sure enough he shouted and released inside me. He pushed my hand away and took me in his mouth to finish me off. His hot mouth on my throbbing dick was just enough to put me over the edge and I came hard down his throat. He reached into the bag and saw that I had packed washcloths. He smirked at me and went to run one under warm water. He came back and gently lifted me up enough to catch the seed spilling out my ass. I felt like I couldn't move a muscle ... Sauli saw the glow on my face and kissed my forehead then lifted me up sliding my underwear and pants back on so I could warm back up. He stepped away to put out the fire and get redressed, then laid down on top of me. He covered us both with a blanket and I gave him a sleepy smile.

“Was that good baby?”

“Good? That was fucking amazing. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.” My chest was still heaving for breath and I felt like I was warm putty that was threating to fall apart at any second.

“Trust me ... it was. Let's get some sleep love. You look like you're going to drop.”

Between all the walking, the cold, and the sex I was beat and it took all of 2 minutes for me to be out cold. 


	20. Hyvää Joulua Poika

** Sauli **

I couldn't believe that I woke up on Christmas morning in Finland sleeping on my fiancé’s chest. Fiancé ... I liked the sound of that. He had left his job behind for me ... only for me. Rays of sunlight came in thru the cracked open blinds and shone on his face. God he looked beautiful. He stirred a bit and opened his eyes to see my face in front of him. He smiled and lovingly rubbed my back.

“Merry Christmas Adam.”

“Hyvaa Joulua Sauli.” I chuckled giving him a kiss … he was too precious.

“Getting all fancy with the Finnish huh?”

“Anything for my baby. I want to be able to have conversations with your family, they are all so wonderful Sauce. They're so welcoming. It's even more beautiful here then you said.”

“I'll have to show you around, you haven't seen anything yet. We should get a shower and head back over to my parent's house. They are having Christmas brunch.”

“Are you sure they don't mind me being there?”

I cupped his face in my hands and looked him straight in the eyes.

“Mind? They freakin love you. Come on we can shower together.”

We got ready and after our hair dried, headed back to my parent's house. Everyone met us at the door and gave us hugs and kisses. My mom walked over to Adam last and pulled him into a huge hug and kissed him.

“Hyvaa Joulua poika.”

I immediately teared up and everyone smiled lovingly at Adam who was confused as to what she said. He noticed my tears and gave me a confused look.

“She said Merry Christmas son.” Adam immediately started crying but was embarrassed so he turned away toward the door. I walked over to him and put my arms around him rubbing his back. “Shh it's ok Addy.”

My mom looked at me with a look of shock on her face, she thought she did something to offend or upset him.

“Sanoinko jotain väärää? (Did I say something wrong?)”

“Et sinä ole. Hänen perheensä ei hyväksy häntä, hänellä ei ole ketään. (No you didn’t. His family doesn't accept him, he has nobody.)” She gave me a devastated look and walked over and took Adam in her arms making 'shh' noises at him. After he calmed down she pulled away and rubbed his shoulder. She placed her other hand on her heart and looked him straight in the eyes. Adam copied her gesture and she gave him a kiss. She grabbed his arm and led him to the head of the table and pulled out the chair for him. He hesitated for a moment but she gestured for him to sit and so he did. This was a big deal in my family. I walked over and sat next to him. My nephews were fighting over who would get to sit on his other side. My mom gave them her death glare and they stopped, allowing her to sit there. Adam wanted me to tell him what to say to answer questions and I was so proud of him for trying. He flubbed up a particularly hard word turning it into a completely different meaning and some of my family members busted out laughing. I could see it hurt him ... he was trying his hardest. He excused himself and grabbed his coat and walked outside. I looked over at the group of them. “Häpeä sinusta ... kaikki te!! (Shame on you ... all of you!!)”

I got up and grabbed my coat and followed Adam outside. He was sitting on the front step shuffling snow around with his boot. I sat next to him and noticed he was crying a bit. I put my head on his shoulder and kissed his cheek.

“Sorry …” He mumbled embarrassed and it broke my heart. 

“I'm so proud of you ... there is nothing to be sorry about Addy.”

“But I can't even have a conversation with your family without looking like a total asshole. I can't get it ... Finnish is soo hard.”

“It is ... you're right. You'll get better, it just takes time.”

“I don't want them or you to ... think less of me because I can't ...”

He couldn't continue the tears were falling too hard.

“Never baby ...”

His crying slowed and he looked at me his eye makeup runny and looking a complete mess.

“I bet this isn't what they imagined for you. They probably imagined you settling down with a nice Finnish boy and you both could go over to the house and have long conversations with the family about nothing in particular. I bet then never saw you falling for an American.”

“You're wrong ... they never imagined me with anyone. I never really let anyone get close enough to me to build any type of romantic relationship. The second it started to progress from friend to something more I got scared and ran. They imagined me being single forever.”

“Single forever? They really thought that?”

“Yeah ... they hoped they were wrong though. They hoped that me moving to NYC would make me open up more. That I would find a gorgeous sexy ebony haired man to sweep me off my feet and help me find love.” He raised his eyebrows and I kept a straight face. “That's my story and I'm sticking to it.”

“Sauli ...”

“Ok maybe I made up the part about the ebony haired man. But what can I say I sure found him … I found the love of my life. How about we go back inside and say goodbye. I want to take you to Helsinki for the rest of the day. We're supposed to meet Katri.”

We walked inside and said goodbye to everyone. My mom kept giving the family members who were laughing death glares because she thought they were the reason we were leaving. Adam walked over to my mom and smiled at her.

“Hyvästi. (Goodbye.)”

“Hyvästi poika. (Goodbye son.)” She pulled Adam into a hug and snuggled him close. Then she walked over and I gave her a hug and kiss. “Minne olet menossa? (Where are you going?)”

“Luisteleminen Katrin kanssa, se on yllätys. (Ice skating with Katri, it's a surprise.)”

“Hauskaa. (Well have fun.)”

We both left the house and boarded the train to Helsinki. This time there were no complications and we arrived in just under an hour. Katri was waiting for us when we got off and came running over.

“Merry Christmas. So excited for the both of you. Is Adam ready?”

“Ready for what?” I shot Katri a death glare and she stopped. Adam looked at me and tapped his foot. “Sauli ... what is she talking about?”

“You'll see.”

“Sauli tell me right now!” He got so close to me that our chests were touching and he growled in my ear. “Tell me now or I'll have my way with you right up against the train station wall.”

“You wouldn't?” He gave me a sly smile and discreetly grabbed my ass rubbing it.

“Oh don't bet on it ...”

“Please ... it's a surprise. You'll find out very soon ok?” My voice trembled a bit and Adam giggled … he was such a freakin tease.

“Fine ... still think it would be hot has hell though ...” I gulped and he smirked at me. I could feel myself hardening at the thought and tried to shake it from my mind. I grabbed one of Adam's arms and Katri grabbed the other. Soon the Ice Park came into view and Adam realized what the surprise was. He immediately dug his feet into a bank of snow and refused to move forward. “No way ... no way in hell.”

“Addy please ...?”

“I’ve never been ice skating … I'm afraid I'll fall.”

“I'll have your arm, if you fall I fall with you.”

“I'm bruised enough from last night … you think I need more?”

“Why are you bruised from last night?” Katri was immensely confused. We both looked at her waiting for her to realize and finally she started to blush.

“Addy what do you mean you’re bruised?”

He unbuttoned the coat so he could lift up his shirt. On both of his sides were dark purple bruising from my hands having such a tight grip. He leaned in so he could whisper in my ear.

“Plus my ass hurts like hell. It was so worth it though. Sexy and so fucking good. You’ll have to fuck me real good again.”

“Anytime Addy. Please try to skate at least ... for me?”

“Alright ... as long as you realize you're going to be bruised up too.”

“It'll be worth it ...”

I paid for the three of us to get in and we rented skates. I was happily surprised that Adam seemed to be able to walk in them with no problem. I grabbed his arm and we went out on the ice. It wasn't too crowded which was definitely a good thing. I took him around just walking and then I decided to try to get him to skate. He traveled a few feet but then we both came crashing down laughing. Katri saw and giggled as she zoomed past. I helped Adam back up and after falling another 5 times he finally started to get the hang of it. He saw a little girl doing pirouettes and smirked at me.

“Bet you can't do that.”

“No I can't ... I do it faster.”

He was stable enough on his feet now where I felt I could let go of him. I skated fast around the rink to build up enough speed and then instead of just doing a pirouette I added a little jump. Adam was beaming and gave me a hug. He gently patted my shoulder.

“Go on I'm holding you back ... I'll be ok.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah ... I'm sure. Go have fun with Katri.”

I could tell that something was bothering him but I didn't want to confront him out in the open like this. I figured I would talk to him in the hotel room later.


	21. Not Good Enough

** Adam **

I slowly skated my way around the rink while I watched Sauli and Katri zipping around babbling on in Finnish. I knew deep down that Sauli belonged here ... he was a different person here and I was afraid that if I brought him back to NYC he would slip back into a funk. After skating by myself for about 30 minutes I made my way over to the cafe on the grounds and sat down at a table to take my skates off and turned them in getting my boots back. I slid them on and ordered a cup of coffee mostly using pointing motions and gestures. I sat down and sipped on my coffee. About 20 minutes later Sauli and Katri came over and returned their skates for their shoes. I was done with my coffee and chucked the cup into a nearby garbage can. They both walked over red faced and out of breath.

“Hi Addy. Feel like going to get a drink or two at the club with us? My friends are all there, they want to meet you. They all speak English pretty well don't worry.”

“Alright.”

We hailed a cab and when we arrived at the club a group of people were waiting outside. They smiled upon seeing Sauli and Katri and pulled them both into hugs while I hung back. After Sauli hugged everyone he said something in Finnish I didn't understand and they all disappeared. I walked over to the front door but the bouncer said something to me that I couldn’t understand. I tried to explain that I was with the group that was just there but he just kept getting more and more frustrated not letting me in. Frustrated I hung back and leaned up against the wall. I wanted him to be himself for once and if that meant I would be stuck on a Helsinki street alone for a couple hours then so be it. About 10 minutes later Sauli came rushing outside with a worried look on his face.

“Addy why are you out here?”

“I didn't know you went in you were talking in Finnish and I had my back to you. Then I tried to get in and the guy at the door couldn’t understand me and ….”

I hung my head and let out a sigh. His face softened and he walked over and lifted up my face.

“I'm so sorry Adam. I keep forgetting ...”

“I'm just gonna head back to the hotel. I'm not in the mood for a club tonight and I don't want to ruin anybody's night.”

“Please come in for a drink with me ... I'm going to sing karaoke.”

He looked at me with puppy dog eyes until I finally relented. He grabbed my arm and walked me into the club. Sauli started introducing me to all his friends and we sat around talking in English. I had downloaded an app that records words and then translates what is said. Sauli went to get in line for karaoke and as soon as he left they all started talking in Finnish. I could tell what they were saying wasn't nice because I caught Katri glaring at them and whispering angrily in Finnish. I pulled out my phone and recorded a bit. When I read the translation tears formed in my eyes. They had said 'Who does he think he is he's not good enough for Sauli. He's nothing like him he can't even speak Finnish. What a fucking idiot'. I didn't care that Sauli was singing karaoke anymore. I walked over to Katri and gave her a hug.

“Tell Sauli I went back to the hotel. Make sure he stays and has a good night I’ll be fine.”

“Is everything ok?”

“I'm getting a really bad headache I just want to go take a pill and lie down. I'll see you ok?”

“Feel better Adam.”

I walked off but didn't notice that I had dropped my phone. Katri saw it on the ground and picked it up. The audio file and translation were still on the screen.


	22. Are We Ok

** Sauli **

I was just about to go onstage when Katri grabbed my arm yanking me backwards immense worry on her face.

“What's wrong?”

“You have to leave, go after Adam!”

She handed me Adam's phone and I saw the translation. My blood started boiling and I ran over toward the group of them.

“All of you are fucking assholes. He was using an audio translator, he understood everything you were saying about him. Fuck all of you.” Before they could say anything I stormed out and walked to the hotel. I arrived and asked for directions to room 733. After a few minutes search I found the room. Luckily Adam had given me his extra room key that morning so I unlocked the door and walked into the hotel room. Adam was in the bathroom with the door locked. “Baby it's me open up.” I couldn't hear anything from inside nor could I see any movement. “Addy please open the door.”

I could hear the lock disengage and I opened the door. He was sitting as still as a statue just staring at nothing with tears in his eyes. I got in front of him and rubbed his face. It was as if he snapped out of a trance and he started sobbing.

“They're right ...”

“Who's right?”

“Your friends.”

“No they ...” He shook his head interrupting me with this pained look on his face.

“Listen to me ... please let me talk. You are so happy here, I can't take you back to NYC with me that would be selfish. Your friends are right, I can never be the guy you take home to your parents and all sit and have a long conversation. I can barely say simple phrases. Being here I feel left out and abandoned ... like you must've for months and it breaks my heart to know I put you thru that. The second you're away from me you start speaking Finnish and I can't even try to understand what you're saying ... it's way too fast. I love your family Sauli ... and I love you so god damn much but I can't hold you down. It's not fair to you.”

“Baby you're not holding me down. I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm sorry you feel left out, I'm not doing it on purpose.”

“No I know you're not. I just feel like I'm failing you and it breaks my heart. I just wish your friends liked me ... it seems as though they mean a lot to you.”

“You're not failing me ... don't you dare think that. Don't let them get to you. They don't understand how much you mean to me.” I looked in his eyes and saw that he was broken. I didn't know what to do to bring back the light in them. I gently tried to pull him off the floor and I finally got him up. “Addy ... are we ok?” He took me in his arms and kissed my forehead as he held me close his body language doing all the talking. “You want me to stay here with you?”

“Please ...”

We walked over to the bed and I curled up next to him. I loved Finland but being here was zapping all the light from Adam. I at least knew English before going to the US. Adam came here for me only knowing a few words in Finnish. I didn't know what to do so we both could be happy.


	23. You're All That Matters To Me

** Adam **

I woke up in my cold bed and stretched. I walked over to the calendar and x'ed off another day ... only 90 more days. We had made a mutual decision that Sauli would stay in Finland for 3 months at a time and then come to NYC for 3 months. But Sauli got some amazing opportunities there and it turned into him having to stay for a year, if not more. It felt like we'd been apart A LOT longer than 275 days that's for sure. I looked at the time and quickly turned on my laptop, it was time for our daily Skype. A few minutes later I was staring at my baby thru the computer screen.

_“Hey sunshine! Anything new?”_

_“Hey Addy ... well I found out this morning I got hired to do a little modeling for a jeans company.”_

_“That's great! It's time everyone sees how gorgeous my baby is.”_

_“You’re too sweet. Mom and Katri told me to tell you hi.”_

_“Tell them I said hi back.”_

_“How are things going there?”_

_“Alright … same old same. We are sold out every show this week.”_ My phone started ringing and I saw that it was Todd. I put it on silent but then I got a text from him saying they needed me to call him ASAP. “ _Sorry baby that's Todd I have to go. Will you be home later to try this again?”_

_“No, I have to go out of town, we won't be able to talk tomorrow either.”_

_“Oh ok. Well, be safe ... I love you.”_

_“I will … I love you too.”_

I shut down the computer and sighed. I always put on a happy face when I Skyped Sauli, he didn't need to see me upset. He seemed so happy. I picked up my phone and called Todd.

_“About time you called. These Finnish lessons you're taking have to stop. People are starting to pick up on a bit of an accent.”_

_“They're not going to stop Todd. I'm sorry but Sauli means the world to me and I'm doing this for him.”_

_“Does he mean more to you than this job?”_

I didn’t have to think for even a second for the answer to that question I would always put him first now.

_“Yes ... yes he does 100%.”_

_“Good, you can have more time with him then. You're fired.”_

I hung up the phone and felt almost relieved. Doing the same show day after day night after night sure got tiring. This meant that maybe I could go visit him in Finland to surprise him. I wanted to make sure I had a decent foundation so I called up Katri. I could practice on her and I knew I could trust her.

_“Moi. (Hi.)”_

_“Hey Katri.”_

_“Adam it's so good to hear your voice. How are you?”_

_“Olen kunnossa. Entä sinä itse? (I'm alright. How about yourself?)”_

_She let out a squeak of excitement. “Näen, että olet harjoittanut. (I see you've been practicing.)”_

_“Joo olen ottanut luokkia ... Haluan yllättää Sauli. Tiedätkö, missä hän menee, hän sanoi, ettei hän ole kaupungissa tänä iltana tai huomenna? (Yeah I’ve been taking classes ... I want to surprise Sauli. Do you know where he's going he said he won't be in town tonight or tomorrow?)”_

_“Eikö hän kertonut sinulle? (Didn't he tell you?)”_

_“Kerro minulle mitä?” (Tell me what?)”_

My heart started racing a million possible scenarios of why rushing thru my brain.

_“Hänen isänsä matkusti pohjoiseen ja joutui vakavaan auto-onnettomuuteen. Hän on karkeassa kunnossa ja he kertoivat Sauli ja hänen äidilleen päästäkseen sinne. Sauli pyysi minua lähtemään ylös hänen kanssaan, hän on ollut sotku, koska hän sai tietää. Juna ei lähde kello 19 asti, joten heidän täytyi odottaa. (His dad was traveling up north and got in a serious car accident. He's in rough shape and they told Sauli and his mom to head up there. Sauli asked me to head up there with him, he's been a mess since he found out. The train doesn't leave till 7pm though so they had to wait.)”_

_“Miksi helvetissä hän ei kertonut minulle?!? Olisin lentänyt sinne heti. (Why the hell didn't he tell me?!? I would've flown out there right away.)”_

_“Hän ei halua sinun huolehtivan Adam. Hän ei halua, että sinun on valittava hänen ja urasi välillä. (He doesn't want you to worry Adam. He doesn't want you to have to choose between him and your career.)”_

_“No, se on liian myöhäistä. Minut löysin, koska he alkoivat havaita aksentti. He sanoivat, että lopetan suomalaiset oppitunnit tai menetän työni. Olen vain varannut lennon siellä. Kerro minulle junan ja sairaalan yksityiskohdat? Älä kerro häntä. (Well it’s kind of too late for that. I got fired because they started noticing an accent. They told me to stop the Finnish lessons or lose my job. I just booked a flight over there. Text me the details on the train and hospital ok? Don't tell him.)”_

_“Hyvä on (Ok, I will.)”_

I quickly packed a bag and left for the airport. I got into Helsinki at 2am and caught the 3am train up north. I hailed a cab and told the driver the name of the hospital. I texted Katri that I was there and when I arrived she was outside. Her makeup was a mess and I could tell she had been crying. When she saw me she walked over and wrapped her arms around me sobbing.

“He's in surgery now. They don't know if he'll make it.”

“Where's Sauli? Take me to him.” She led me down the winding hallway and into a private room. Sauli was curled up in the corner sobbing. His mom was downstairs taking care of paperwork so he was the only one in the room. I walked over and he looked up at me. He jumped up and threw himself into my arms sobbing on my chest. I sat down and pulled him on my lap rubbing his back. “Shh, I'm here baby.” He finally got to the point that he cried so much he put himself to sleep. I just sat there holding him flush against my body. Katri sat there and I gently patted her shoulder. A few moments later Sauli's mom walked into the room and froze upon seeing me. Katri put a finger up to her mouth to indicate that Sauli was asleep and so his mom walked over and kissed my forehead tears streaming down her face. I so wanted to comfort her as well. About 20 minutes later they told us it would be at least another 6 hours so I gently carried Sauli the 5 blocks to their hotel. I bought another hotel room for the two of us and Katri and Sauli's mom would stay in the other. Before his mom left I put my hand on her shoulder. “Hyvää yötä äiti. Olen pahoillani, että satut. (Goodnight mom. I'm sorry you're hurting.)”

“Jumala siunatkoon sinua. Olet Saulin enkeli. (God bless you. You're Sauli's angel.)”

“Ei, hän on minun. (No, he is mine.)”

She gently hugged me without disturbing Sauli and they walked one way while we walked another. I laid down bringing Sauli down on my chest with me. He moved a bit but didn't wake. I just laid there watching him for the longest time, my heart was hurting for him. In the morning he shifted and I looked into his eyes. They were red and puffy from all his crying. I gently ran my fingers thru his hair. He went to talk and his voice was hoarse from everything.

“How ... did you know to come?”

“Katri … I called her and she told me.”

“But your job they'll ...”

“Sinä olet minulle tärkeä asia. (You're all that matters to me.)”

“You ... practiced?”

“Luokat, viisi kertaa viikossa. (Classes, five times a week.)”

Tears streamed down his face and he rubbed my cheek kissing me deeply.

“Adam, you don't need to speak Finnish for me to love you.”

“I know ... but I was able to talk to your mom last night. You should've seen the look on her face Sauli. She said that I am your angel but I argued and said that no you are mine. You don't know how good it makes me feel knowing that I can communicate with your family.”

“My mom was right ... YOU are MY angel. You have no idea how happy I am that you are here right now. I NEED you here right now.”

“And I'm not going anywhere ever ... if that's what you want?”

“What?”

“They made me choose between continuing to take Finnish lessons and having my job. You can guess what I chose. I promised I would never choose my career over you again didn't I?”

“Baby ...” He snuggled up closer and kissed my forehead. I gently lifted up his face so I could look him in the eyes.

“Sauli ... why didn't you tell me about the accident? You know I would've come running.”

“I didn't want to make you leave. You're so happy in NYC ... you looked so broken by the time you left here at Christmas. You're so happy on Skype.”

“No I’m really not ... I’ve been miserable for months now. I miss my sunshine, it's not home without you there.”

“Same ... I've been miserable without you too.”

“Come on, let’s go get done so we can head to the hospital.”

We both got changed and I picked Sauli up. Usually he would fight me as he smirked saying that he had legs, but this time he wrapped his legs around me and snuggled in. By that gesture I could tell just how much he really missed me. We met Katri and Sauli's mom down in the lobby and I gave them one armed hugs and kisses. Sauli's mom smirked a bit at me holding Sauli and shook her head. Sauli looked at his mom concern apparent on his face.

“Äiti, miten on isä? (Mom, how is dad?)”

“Leikkaus meni hyvin. Hän on hereillä. (The surgery went well. He is awake.)”

“Se on fantastinen! (That is fantastic!)”

We all made our way to the hospital. Sauli didn't realize how far away the hospital was and tried to get down.

“I'm fine baby you can stay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive I carried you back from the hospital I can carry you there.”

We arrived at the hospital room and I let Sauli down. I allowed the three of them into the room while I hung back at the doorway. Sauli walked over and kissed his father on the cheek and held his hand as his dad gave him a tired smile. A few minutes later Sauli looked back and saw me at the doorway and motioned for me to come over. I paused and slowly walked over. When Sauli's dad saw me he reached out and clasped my hand and smiled.

“Adam … (Aatami …)”

“Hei isä. (Hi dad.)”

He laid there and gently rubbed my hand as he closed his eyes to sleep. Sauli wrapped his arms around me from behind and put his head on my shoulder lightly pressing his lips against my neck.

“He looks good considering.”

“That he does.” We sat around and talking softly in mostly Finnish for a couple hours. There were a couple times I didn't understand a few words but Sauli helped me out. I felt at ease here for the first time and was actually laughing. Sauli sat there beaming, he was so proud. The doctor came in to let everyone know that Sauli's dad was going to be absolutely fine. It was getting late so we all started to walk back to the hotel. I smirked at Sauli and leaned down so he could jump on my back. He laughed and was hanging on tightly. The excess friction was making him get a hard on which was poking me in the back. I leaned back and growled sexually at him. He kissed my ear and lowed himself so that as I moved he rubbed against my ass. I slowly let the girls get further ahead of us. I leaned back and moaned lightly. “You're so fucking mine when we get back to the hotel.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way …”

We said goodbyes to Katri and Sauli's mom since they were going to get food. That was the least of our priorities at that moment. The second the elevator door closed I grabbed Sauli off my back and shoved him against the elevator wall fiercely kissing his lips and neck. The second the elevator door opened at our floor I grabbed his arms and yanked him down the hall to our room. The door closed behind us and instantaneously we started kissing again as I fumbled with his belt. Soon he was naked on the bed and I was hovering over him naked myself.

“I don't ... have lube.”

“Don’t ... care.” He took me in his mouth to slick me up. I moaned and he released me with a smirk. I put his legs up on my shoulders and entered him. As much as I wanted to just thrust wildly from lack of sex, I wanted to take things slow. After a few moments he moaned up at me. “Adaammm harder ... NOW!”

He moved himself upward to meet my thrusts so I finally grabbed onto him and gave him everything I had. He was babbling incoherently in a mixture of English and Finnish as he came all over his stomach. Not long after I came inside him and pulled out collapsing next to him as I pulled him on top of me.

“My sexy dirty boy ...”

He relaxed there for a few minutes. He had his eyes closed and was breathing tenderly so I thought he was asleep. As I laid there I started softly singing a song I wrote for him as I gently raked my fingers down his back with feather light touches.

- _When the stars are too cold. Frozen over the glow. On the edge of the night. We can be their light. So give me more than your touch. And give yourself to the rush. Just keep holding my hand. As we're taking off. I know where we'll land. We can escape to a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. Safe on a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. Through the dark there's a way. There's a love there's a place. Where we don't have to hide. We can dream all night. So follow me through the sky. And watch the oceans collide. Just keep holding my hand. As we're taking off. I know where we'll land.  We can escape to a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. Safe on a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. Oh we don't need any diamonds or gold. Watch the mystic and cryptic unfold. As we fly high.  We can escape to a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. Safe on a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down.  I'll lay you down, lay you down.  I'll lay you down, lay you down._ -

“Who ... sings that? I've never heard it before.”

His voice startled me and I jumped. “I wrote it ... a lullaby for my love.”

He lifted himself up onto his elbows on my chest and looked me in the eyes.

“Really Addy ...?”

“Of course you're my baby. You like it?”

“Like it? I love it ...”

“Are you hungry? We could order some room service and then we wouldn’t have to leave this bed.”

He chuckled peppering my face with kisses. “Sounds good to me. What do you want to order?”

“You order whatever sounds good I'm sure I'll love it.” From what he started to tell room service I thought he was ordering the whole menu. He hung up the phone and sauntered back over to the bed bringing both of us under the covers. He noticed that I had sweats on and frowned. “What? Someone has to answer the door when room service comes. You can stay here under the covers nice and toasty warm and then I can come back over and after we eat maybe we can have some more fun?”

“Oh alright …”

I gave him a seductive glare and he returned it and kissed my lips. We cuddled until there was a knock at the door. I slid on my shirt and answered it thanking the guy and tipping him. I brought the huge tray over to the bed and we gorged ourselves on everything. We decided to watch a movie and let everything digest first. Sauli was lying next to me and he put his head on my chest and kept moving with a huge frown on his face.

“What is your problem now?

“Shirt ... off.”

I slid it off and chucked it to the floor. He snuggled against me content again as he watched the movie.

“Is my baby happy now? You're so spoiled.”

“What can I say, I like what I like. This way I can do this.”

He tilted his head and lovingly placed tender kisses across my chest. Somehow instead of staying awake we both ended up fast asleep.


	24. Tell Him I Love Him

** Sauli **

Candlelight flooded the room as I sat across the table holding my fiancé’s hand. My dad was released from the hospital and doing perfectly fine so I had gone back to NYC with Adam to for our anniversary. We were at the fanciest restaurant wearing rented tuxes. He looked so handsome. The food was so good but I DEFINITELY didn't want to know how much Adam was paying for it, it had to be VERY expensive. We finished eating and Adam grabbed my arm and pulled me close as we walked. We arrived at a brightly lit building covered with lights and Adam stopped us looking me directly in the eyes.

“Baby, let’s get married?”

“Huh … when?

“Now … a justice of the peace is waiting on the roof for your answer. We'd have to come back here anyway.”

“Let’s do it …”

We took the elevator to the rooftop. There was a rooftop garden with a fountain and twinkle lights everywhere. It was pretty magical. He grabbed my arm again and we started walking toward the other end. As we got closer I realized that my mom, dad, sisters, Katri, and 2 of my best guy friends were there. I looked Adam in the eyes as he smiled.

“Surprise baby.”

“You didn't ... you are perfect.”

I wrapped my arms around him and tried not to cry. We walked over as everyone watched smiling as we were pronounced husbands. We gave hugs to everyone and went to get a few drinks to celebrate. It was getting late and we wanted to get back to the hotel to celebrate our wedding night so we left everyone at the bar. We were walking toward the hotel holding arms and laughing ... just having a good time. A car started driving toward us from the other direction and we didn't pay any attention to it as I leaned in to give Adam a chaste kiss. The next thing I know there was a flash of light and 2 loud bangs. I saw Adam fall to the ground and suddenly everything went dark. When I opened my eyes Katri was sitting in the room. She saw I was awake and ran out of the room. Moments later a doctor ran in with her following. He started checking my eyes and I was getting frustrated but I was on a ventilator so I couldn't talk. The doctor finished his testing and took me off the vent. He left the room and Katri walked over.

“You rest ok ... you've been thru a lot these past two months. Four surgeries and in a medically induced coma.”

“Where's ... Adam?”

She didn't answer just made shh noises at me. I started getting more and more desperate and tried to get out of bed. She quickly and carefully held me down.

“No Sauli ... no you can't get out of bed.”

“Where's ... my Adam? Where's ... my husband?”

She looked at me with sad eyes and caressed my face. I started crying and shaking.

“No baby don't cry ... please. He's in a coma. They won’t let you see him … but I can go for you. Would you like that?”

If that was the only option then it was better than nothing. I nodded and she kissed my cheek.

“Tell him ... I love him. Please ...”

“I will don’t you worry sweetheart.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks and she gently wiped them away and walked out of the room. Adam was in really bad shape. He had been shot in the head and had been in a coma ever since. Every day he stayed in it they had less and less hope for him ever coming out of it. It took all of two days for them to finally take me to see him because I wouldn't take no for an answer and threatened to disconnect all the tubing. They wheeled me into the room and I cried. My poor Addy ... my love. They had shaved off all his hair and there were at least a dozen machines hooked up to him. He had a giant wound on his head from them having to open up the skull to retrieve the bullet and fix what was damaged. They wheeled me right up to the side of the bed and left the room for a few minutes so we were alone. I took his hand and gently rubbed circles on the back of it like I had done so many times before.

“Addy ... it's Sauce. I hope you can hear me ... I love you. I love you so much. Please wake up baby ... please?” I reached up and rubbed his cheek, they felt so lifeless. I had promised I would stay seated in the chair but I had to kiss him. I gently balanced myself and shakily stood. I started to get wobbly and luckily Katri came walking in at that moment and ran over to help. I kissed his perfect cheek and Katri helped me sit. “He looks awful Katri.”

“This is good compared to how he was. You both scared me I thought I was going to lose you both.”

“I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't make it ...” I started to sob and Katri rubbed my back. Suddenly the hand I was holding moved a little and he wrapped a finger around my hand. Katri saw and ran to get the doctor. I watched him and slowly his eyes fluttered open. He looked scared and confused until his eyes met mine. His eyes softened and he slowly lifted his arm and stroked my cheek with a finger. “Hi baby ... you came back to me.”

A doctor and a nurse came into the room. The nurse grabbed the wheelchair to move me out and Adam started to freak out and his blood pressure started to rise. They brought me back in the room which calmed him down. They said they were going to wean him off the vent but they wanted to do neurologic testing first. His eyesight was great and his arms and hands were great, but when they went to do testing on his legs he couldn't move them. They had expected it with his type of injury. Sometimes the paralysis reverses itself and sometimes not. Within a few days I was well enough to be discharged but I didn't leave I stayed in Adam's room with him. Katri stayed at Adam's house and came in to visit for a couple hours every day. Today was the big day they were finally going to take him off the vent. I was sleeping when they took him off of it and I woke up in the chair against the side of his bed. He was sleeping and had his hand draped over on my stomach. I smiled and lifted it up to kiss it. He stirred and looked at me. I was nervous because they didn't know if his speech would be affected as well.

“Sauli ...”

“It's so good to hear your voice. I thought I was going to ... lose you.”

“I love you ... I want you to be ... happy.”

“I am happy baby ... so happy. You go back to sleep love you need your rest.”

He weakly puckered his lips and I reached up and kissed them.


	25. Just Hold Me

** Adam **

Sauli was asleep next to me in our bed. It had been a week of being home already but I still couldn't get over how amazing it felt to sleep in my own bed. I could hear Katri in the kitchen making breakfast and I knew the smell of the coffee brewing would have Sauli awake very shortly. I decided to make it a little earlier and I leaned over and started kissing at his neck. He opened his eyes and smiled at me.

“Good morning Sauli.”

“Good morning ... have I told you how amazing you are.”

“Only 895 times since I've come home but you can tell me again if you like.”

“You are absolutely amazing.”

We both giggled and he stood up and walked around the side of the bed. He wasn't supposed to be lifting anything because of his injuries but he insisted on being right by me when I transferred to a wheelchair. I still was paralyzed from waist down so Sauli had gone from being my husband to also being my caretaker. We sent Katri home 2 weeks later, she didn’t need to put aside her life for me as grateful as we were. When I had my doctor appointment four months later, I was told that they didn't think I would get any feeling back. I was devastated but Sauli simply curled up next to me when we got home and rubbed my chest reassuringly. The doctor had said we could try to have sex as long as Sauli was careful. Sauli smiled at me and got on top of me and started fiercely kissing my lips. I moaned and growled at him.

“I missed this ... so fucking much.”

He slowly pulled away and slowly kissed his way down my body. Once he got to my mid chest I had to watch to see what he was doing because I could no longer feel. He took me in his mouth and slicked me up. I pulled him back up my body and stretched him using my fingers as guttural growls escaped his mouth. I let him go and he slowly lowed himself onto my leaking member. God it was sexy watching him slide up and down. A little while later he moaned my name and came all over my stomach. I took a corner of the sheets and used it to wipe it away. Sauli slowly got off of me and snuggled up against me ... he was glowing. I tried not to but I started sobbing.

“Addy, love what's wrong?!?”

“I can't feel anything. I want to feel your body against mine. I want to have sex like we used to. It's like you’re having sex with a dead person or a toy I can't even ...”

“Oh baby ... don't cry Adam. Everything is going to be ok. I love you just the way you are. I just want you with me. You can still feel ...”

He smiled at me and curled up on my chest and started kissing my neck ... god it felt amazing like my nerve endings were on fire. For the next 30 minutes he alternated from my neck to my lips. Then he gently kissed my lips once more and gently rubbed my face with his fingertips. He even got me to smile which made him smile in return.

“Thank you Sauce.”

“You are so welcome baby. I'll do anything for you ... anything.”

I gently reached up and kissed his forehead and gently ran my fingers thru his hair. He curled up on my bare chest and snuggled close.

“I love you Sauli.”

“And I love you Adam.”

He looked up at me one last time then curled back up and fell asleep. In the morning I convinced Sauli to take my car to the grocery store, that I would be fine by myself. I gave him a kiss goodbye and curled up in bed watching TV. He was gone for about a half hour when I suddenly got the WORST headache imaginable. I started shaking and grabbed the phone dialing Sauli's number. It rang a few times and he answered.

_“Adam what's wrong?!?”_

_“Help ... Sauli I ...”_

I dropped the phone and it crashed to the floor. My eyes rolled back in my head and I started having a seizure. Not even 10 minutes later Sauli came rushing in the house and moments later an ambulance arrived. They rushed me to the hospital and they said it was a complication from the gunshot wound, a brain bleed. I was in and out of consciousness. Sauli stayed by my side for a week. I opened my eyes to the world's worst migraine and my vision was blurry. I cried out and Sauli shot up from his sleep.

“Shh ... it's ok.”

He walked over and gently rubbed my chest lovingly. I grabbed his arm and looked at him speaking in a barely audible whisper.

“Promise me ... something.”

“Anything baby ...”

“No matter what ... happens I want you to be ... happy. I want you to ... find love again I don't want ... you alone.” He went to protest but I reached out holding his arm down. “Promise … me.”

“I promise ... I love you Adam.”

“I love you too ...” I felt like my head was going to explode and I started crying out again. Sauli pushed the call button and a nurse came in and gave me another morphine dose. The blinds were open and the sun was way too bright. “The ... light.” She walked over toward the window and I looked at Sauli and opened my arms. “Please Sauce ... I want you close. I ... need you ... close.”

Sauli looked over at the nurse and she nodded. They had told Sauli I probably wouldn't make it. The bleeding was intensive and they wouldn't go in to repair anything for fear of making it worse. They said that sometimes bleeds repair themselves but I kept getting worse ... not better. They were just going to keep me as comfortable as they could and hope for the best. Sauli walked over and gently curled up on my chest. I protectively wrapped my arm around him and my breathing relaxed. I could feel tears hitting my chest and I rubbed circles on his back, we both knew this was going to kill me. Even with the excess morphine the pain got worse and worse and I started crying from it … it was excruciating. Sauli was at a loss of what to do, he wanted to take it all away.

“What can I do baby?”

“Just hold me, I'm scared Sauli ...”

“I got you, don't be scared. Nobody will hurt you ... I won't let anyone hurt you. I love you so much.”

“I love you ... Sauli.”

He held me as tightly as he could and I felt peaceful. I just looked in his eyes trying to burn them into my memory but then everything went dark and was gone.


	26. His Name Started The Fire All Over Again

** Sauli **

I was alone in our house, his house. Everything I touched, everything I smelled reminded me of him and it killed me. I went into our bedroom and just laid down on the bed holding his pillow ... it still smelled like him. I hadn't called any of my family to even let them know Adam was in the hospital. They had lives, they didn't need to fly all the way out here to sit in a hospital just waiting. I didn't want to upset my parents, my dad didn't need it, especially after the accident. I didn't want to tell them over the phone. I picked up my phone and with a shaky hand dialed Katri.

_“Hei sweetie en ole kuullut sinusta, koska lähdin. Miten Adam tekee? (Hey sweetie I haven't heard from you since I left. How's Adam doing?)”_

Adam ... just his name started the fire burning thru my heart all over again.

_“Hän on kadonnut Katri ... hän kuoli aikaisin tänä aamuna. (He's gone Katri ... he died early this morning.)”_

_“Sauli, jumalani ... Olen pahoillani. Aion saada lennon ok. Olen siellä vain niin pian kuin pystyn. (Sauli oh my god ... I'm so sorry. I'm going to get a flight ok. I'll be there just as soon as I can.)”_

_“Sinun ei tarvitse ... olet tehnyt niin paljon jo. (You don't have to ... you've done so much already.)”_

_“Ei, sinä olet asiat juuri nyt. Tarvitset minua. (No, you're what matters right now. You need me.)”_

She hung up and I just curled up in the bed and didn't move until she got there the next morning. She still had her key from when she was staying so she unlocked the door and let herself in. She ran in the room to me and I sat up and buried myself in her arms sobbing. She spoke in English seeming to avoid me having to explain everything in yet another language.

“What happened?”

“He got a brain bleed. They couldn't do surgery on it due to the location, said sometimes they heal themselves but it just got worse. The last hour of his life I spent on his chest. He said he wanted me close. The pain got so bad ... I didn't know what to do for him. He told me to just hold him, that he was scared. My strong tough beautiful Adam was scared. I told him that I wouldn't let anything happen to him and that nobody would hurt him. I watched as the light leave his eyes Katri. He was in my arms ... right in my ... arms. His last words were 'I love you Sauli'. I don't know how to live without him. I can't do ... this.”

She was at a loss for words and just held me tighter. My stomach growled loudly and Katri looked at me.

“Have you eaten?”

“No, only a few things from the vending machine at the hospital all week. I don't want food … I can’t eat.”

“Adam wouldn't want this ... you know that as well as I do. If I have to shove food down your throat I will.”

I sighed giving in and she kissed my forehead. She went into the kitchen and found some soup in the freezer that I had made a few weeks before. She heated it up and brought a bowl in to me. I took it from her and slowly ate it. I was an emotional mess I would go from quiet to sobbing in 5 seconds flat. A week later I left the house for the first time. I didn't tell Katri where I was going because she wouldn't have wanted me to go alone. I took the subway uptown and soon I arrived at a building. I went inside and headed to the top floor. I got off the elevator and walked out onto the roof where we got married. Our last happy night before everything went to hell. I stood in the spot where we said our vows and I brought myself down to the ground and sobbed screaming at the sky.

“Why did you have to leave me?!? I can't do this alone!!!”

It started pouring and I just stayed there getting completely drenched. About an hour later I heard someone approaching and saw Katri running over with an umbrella.

“Come here you're drenched.”

I walked over and went underneath her umbrella and headed back to the house. She headed to bed but I didn't feel like sleeping. I walked into Adam's closet for the first time. I was admiring all the clothes when a wrapped package caught my eye. I walked over and saw that it was addressed to me. I could tell it was from Adam, I could recognize his writing anywhere. I tore open the paper and saw a book inside. Engraved on the cover of the book was simply 'For my Sauli' and a drawing of a tree with a heart and (A+S) carved on it. I opened it up and saw that he had written a message on the inside front cover. I lightly ran my fingertips over the page and began to read.

_Sauli,_

_I talked to your mom and she said that these were the stories she used to read to you when you were little. I remember you saying that you wished you could have those stories again so I found them online and created this book for you. I handwrote the stories and drew all the pictures on all the pages. Each story is in both English and Finnish (I hope I translated them correctly). You mean the world to me Sauce. I don't know what our future holds but I know where I want to be and that's with you. Flip to the last page there is an envelope and I have a huge surprise for you. I just know you're going to LOVE it :)_

I slowly flipped thru the book and saw how much time and effort he put into meticulously writing and drawing everything. The drawings weren't always perfect but I think it added to the charm and thoughtfulness of the book. I got to the back of the book and saw an envelope glued to the back that had _'open me :)_ ' written on it. I slowly opened the flap and pulled out a piece of paper and some photographs. I realized that the huge surprise was that he had built a house in Finland for us to live very similar to this one except it had a HUGE sauna in the back. I thought he wanted us to stay here in NYC so it was a big shock to me to see that he had wanted to live in my homeland. I curled up in bed to read the book but fell asleep with it on my chest halfway thru.


	27. Seven Year Later

** 7 years later **

It was Christmas Eve and I was plating cookies while dinner was finishing up in the oven. The doorbell rang and I heard exuberant footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Varovainen poika. En halua sinun pudota. (Careful son. I don't want you to fall.)

He smiled at me and ran over to the door to let everyone in. His 5 year old eyes got huge seeing all the presents everyone was bringing in. Katri came out of the backroom and greeted everyone. She had moved in with me as soon as I moved into the new house. I figured it was big enough why should she have to pay rent too. Everyone else brought a dish with them so they brought them in giving me hugs and kisses on the way. My sister Saana was the last person to enter the kitchen. I smiled at her and pulled her in close. I could never thank her enough. She had volunteered to be a surrogate for me so that I could have a child. Having this precious little boy in my life had helped me heal a great deal. We all ate dinner and talked for a while. We were about to open presents when I looked next to me and saw dropping eyes.

“Sanokaa hyvää yötä vähän rakkautta. Voit avata lahjoja aamulla. (Say goodnight little love. You can open your presents in the morning.)

He walked down the line hugging and kissing everyone. He walked back over and I gently took his hand and led him upstairs. He got changed and into bed but then looked over at me with his sweet eyes.

“Luuletko minulle kertomuksen? (Will you read me a story?)”

I nodded and he pulled out the same book he did on every holiday ... the special one that Adam had made me. I read him two of the stories and then kissed his forehead. I was about to get off the bed when I felt his little arm on mine.

“Mikä poika? (What son?)”

“Oliko papa kuin minä? (Would papa like me?)”

I paused for a moment and smiled, it was the first time he had asked that question. I had showed him pictures of his Papa ever since he was old enough to sit still. He was still so much a part of our lives. I looked him straight in the eyes and brushed back a lock of hair that had fallen in his face.

“Hän rakastaa sinua niin paljon. Sinä olisit KAIKKI Hänelle. (He would love you so much. You would be EVERYTHING to him.)”

“Hyvä, koska rakastan häntä paljon. Voimmeko valoa kynttilän hänelle, jotta hän voi nähdä sen taivaasta? (Good because I love him a lot. Can we light a candle for him so he can see it from heaven?)”

“Kyllä huomenna. Hyvää yötä Aatami. Rakastan sinua. (Yes tomorrow. Good night Aatami. I love you.)”

“Rakastan sinua myös isä. (I love you too Daddy.)”

I stood there a few minutes and watched him drift off to sleep. I may have not found love in the romantic sense like Adam wanted but right then watching my precious little boy sleep, I couldn't feel more love even if I wanted.


End file.
